by Andy Borowitz & r & & r & PLUTO DEMOTED, BUT NOT RUMSFELD & r & & r & & lt;span class= & quot;dropcap & quot; & S & lt;/span & cientists who gathered in Prague recently to strip Pluto of its planet status said today that they were "baffled" that Pluto had been demoted but that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld still clung to his position of power.
Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the University of Tokyo was one of many scientists who favored the demotion of Pluto but thought that Secretary Rumsfeld should be stripped of his status as well.
"It seems counterintuitive to me that we should say Pluto is no longer a planet, yet Donald Rumsfeld is still Secretary of Defense," Dr. Kyosuke said. "After all, Pluto has done no harm."
Scientists studying Secretary Rumsfeld have for some time believed that he is not worthy of the Secretary of Defense designation and should be demoted to some lesser position, such as Postmaster General.
Still others believe that some new definition should be invented to characterize Mr. Rumsfeld, such as Dwarf Secretary of Defense.
"At the very least, the language he speaks should be demoted from English to gibberish," Dr. Kyosuke said.
Other experts, however, such as the University of Minnesota's Davis Logsdon, said that while there is "no rational explanation" for why Secretary Rumsfeld has remained in power, his longevity must be classified as one of many cosmic mysteries that science has yet to understand.
"The fact is, the more we learn about Donald Rumsfeld, the more we realize just how little we understand about him," Dr. Logsdon said.
Elsewhere, Sir Elton John announced plans to record a rap album, as was originally reported in the Book of Revelation.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & .
Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the University of Tokyo was one of many scientists who favored the demotion of Pluto but thought that Secretary Rumsfeld should be stripped of his status as well.
"It seems counterintuitive to me that we should say Pluto is no longer a planet, yet Donald Rumsfeld is still Secretary of Defense," Dr. Kyosuke said. "After all, Pluto has done no harm."
Scientists studying Secretary Rumsfeld have for some time believed that he is not worthy of the Secretary of Defense designation and should be demoted to some lesser position, such as Postmaster General.
Still others believe that some new definition should be invented to characterize Mr. Rumsfeld, such as Dwarf Secretary of Defense.
"At the very least, the language he speaks should be demoted from English to gibberish," Dr. Kyosuke said.
Other experts, however, such as the University of Minnesota's Davis Logsdon, said that while there is "no rational explanation" for why Secretary Rumsfeld has remained in power, his longevity must be classified as one of many cosmic mysteries that science has yet to understand.
"The fact is, the more we learn about Donald Rumsfeld, the more we realize just how little we understand about him," Dr. Logsdon said.
Elsewhere, Sir Elton John announced plans to record a rap album, as was originally reported in the Book of Revelation.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & .
