By Andy Borowitz & r & & r & IMUS MOVES TO AL-QAEDA NETWORK & r & & r & & lt;span class= & quot;dropcap & quot; & J & lt;/span & ust days after his Imus in the Morning program was dropped by MSNBC, embattled shock jock Don Imus bounced back nicely today, landing a new show on Osama bin Laden's fledgling Al-Qaeda TV network.
While Mr. bin Laden's Al-Qaeda terror network has made headlines in recent years, the same cannot be said for his Al-Qaeda TV network, a perennial ratings laggard.
Critics of the network's programming say it is dull and uninspired, including such shows as Osama in the Morning, in which the fugitive terror mastermind spews repetitious hate-filled rants from a drab-looking cave.
In fact, Mr. bin Laden's programming woes have been so pronounced that jihadist viewers around the world have urged the madman to abandon television altogether and focus on terrorism instead.
But after seeing Mr. Imus make his controversial remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team, Mr. bin Laden decided that the New York shock-jock was just what the doctor ordered to pump on the Al-Qaeda network's anemic schedule.
According to network insiders, Mr. bin Laden envisions Mr. Imus as the anchor of a daily, three-hour "hate block" of programs, the other two of which would star actor Mel Gibson and comedian Michael Richards.
Elsewhere, James Frey's book A Million Little Pieces won the Pulitzer Prize for nonfiction, and also for fiction.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out borowitzreport.com.
While Mr. bin Laden's Al-Qaeda terror network has made headlines in recent years, the same cannot be said for his Al-Qaeda TV network, a perennial ratings laggard.
Critics of the network's programming say it is dull and uninspired, including such shows as Osama in the Morning, in which the fugitive terror mastermind spews repetitious hate-filled rants from a drab-looking cave.
In fact, Mr. bin Laden's programming woes have been so pronounced that jihadist viewers around the world have urged the madman to abandon television altogether and focus on terrorism instead.
But after seeing Mr. Imus make his controversial remarks about the Rutgers women's basketball team, Mr. bin Laden decided that the New York shock-jock was just what the doctor ordered to pump on the Al-Qaeda network's anemic schedule.
According to network insiders, Mr. bin Laden envisions Mr. Imus as the anchor of a daily, three-hour "hate block" of programs, the other two of which would star actor Mel Gibson and comedian Michael Richards.
Elsewhere, James Frey's book A Million Little Pieces won the Pulitzer Prize for nonfiction, and also for fiction.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out borowitzreport.com.
