The Envelope Please…

It’s that time of year again! Time to hand out the 2012 Inlander TMX Awards for the best performances from out on the campaign trail.

First up is the Wait, So I Can Star In My Own TV Ad? Award, which goes to Thomas Peterffy, the Hungarian-born billionaire who spent his own money to blanket the airwaves with his semi-coherent story of how America is going socialist. In 2016, watch for Peterffy’s fellow 1-percenters to discover YouTube.

Next we have the Unpredictable Punditry Award, and it goes to Joe Scarborough of Morning Joe. Almost every pundit is either reliably right or left; we can practically say their talking points before they do. But Scarborough, who was a Republican congressman, plays that purple middle, picking on both sides while sipping his signature Starbucks blend. People trust pundits who are not in the bag for one party or the other.

The William Jennings Bryan Memorial “A Populist Is Born” Award goes to Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts. The one national figure to channel the outrage over Wall Street’s crashing of the American economy in 2008, Warren will spread her standing-up-for-the-little-guy message even wider now.

As for the Get This Guy His Own TV Show Already! Award, who else? Herman Cain. The guy’s a natural. If he’s not named ambassador to Uzbeki-bekistan, you could see him in the lineup right after The Colbert Report on Comedy Central.

The He-Man Woman Lecturers Club Award is a three-way tie, going to our gang of Reichard Mourdock, Todd Akin and Rush Limbaugh. Turns out a lot of women voters don’t need to have rape explained to them.

Let’s not forget the What Was So Bad About That Guy Again? Award. This year, it goes to Jon Huntsman, the former Utah governor who was practically laughed off the Republican primary stage over the summer. But in the fall, as the GOP tried to pull a big swerve back to the middle, Huntsman would have been much more convincing than Romney.

The Goin’ Rogue 2012 Edition Award again goes to a governor who may have swung the election by simply opening his mouth, as Sarah Palin did in 2008. Yes, it’s Chris Christie, whose Obama bromance irked the Romney camp. But the New Jersey gov is smart; he just set himself up for 2016.

And finally we have the Why Are You Still Writing Checks To This Guy? Award. And the winner is… Karl Rove, who has taken hundreds of millions of dollars from billionaires and sent it off to other billionaires who own TV stations in swing states. So it turns out Rove’s into redstribution, too!