"It turns out that the half-trillion figure left out some important budget items, and one zillion is actually a lot closer to the mark," Secretary Rumsfeld told reporters. "My bad."
To reflect the new, higher cost of the war, the Pentagon today officially renamed the conflict "Operation Infinite Expense."
When asked to explain the upward revision, the defense secretary said that the half-trillion figure was based on projections of the war in Iraq lasting five to 10 years, while the zillion-dollar figure reflects the most up-to-date estimate of the war's duration, which he characterized as "forever and ever."
"Based on what we're seeing on the ground in Iraq, the war will probably last longer than Vietnam but not quite as long as Cher's Farewell Tour."
Secretary Rumsfeld defended the new price tag for the war in Iraq, explaining, "When you keep in mind that this war is never going to end, and it will be around for our children and our children's children, a zillion dollars is a bargain by any yardstick."
At the White House, President Bush acknowledged that the zillion-dollar price tag was higher than he had originally anticipated, but added, "Freedom isn't free -- in fact, it costs one zillion dollars."
Elsewhere, scientists reported that mice injected with human brain cells stopped running on a wheel and sat down to watch the wheel instead.
& lt;i & For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & & lt;/i & .