by Andy Borowitz & r & Paula Abdul Emerges as Favorite For Supreme Court -- Supreme Court-watchers were stunned today to learn that President Bush's short list of candidates to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor includes the pop star and American Idol judge Paula Abdul.
At a White House press briefing, spokesman Scott McClellan confirmed that Ms. Abdul had in fact emerged as a favorite to fill Justice O'Connor's slot: "I think Paula Abdul's abilities as a judge, which millions of Americans have had an opportunity to witness week in, week out, speak for themselves."
But even as Mr. McClellan touted Ms. Abdul's fitness to serve on the highest court in the land, legal experts debated the qualifications of the Idol judge, who has no legal degree and has not had a hit song since "My Love Is for Real," which reached No. 28 in 1995.
Davis Crenelle, a professor at the University of Minnesota School of Law, believes that Ms. Abdul may be the perfect replacement for Justice O'Connor: "First and foremost, she is a woman, and second, she occupies the middle -- in her case, between Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson."
Professor Crenelle warns, however, that Ms. Abdul may have to "clean up her act" if she is to don the robe of a Supreme Court Justice: "It wouldn't look right if, during their deliberations, she started kissing on Justice Scalia."
At the White House, spokesman McClellan said that "the American people would be asked to make the ultimate decision about Ms. Abdul," and then offered a toll-free phone number.
Elsewhere, former Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork told reporters today that he was "tanned, rested and ready."
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out www.borowitzreport.com.
At a White House press briefing, spokesman Scott McClellan confirmed that Ms. Abdul had in fact emerged as a favorite to fill Justice O'Connor's slot: "I think Paula Abdul's abilities as a judge, which millions of Americans have had an opportunity to witness week in, week out, speak for themselves."
But even as Mr. McClellan touted Ms. Abdul's fitness to serve on the highest court in the land, legal experts debated the qualifications of the Idol judge, who has no legal degree and has not had a hit song since "My Love Is for Real," which reached No. 28 in 1995.
Davis Crenelle, a professor at the University of Minnesota School of Law, believes that Ms. Abdul may be the perfect replacement for Justice O'Connor: "First and foremost, she is a woman, and second, she occupies the middle -- in her case, between Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson."
Professor Crenelle warns, however, that Ms. Abdul may have to "clean up her act" if she is to don the robe of a Supreme Court Justice: "It wouldn't look right if, during their deliberations, she started kissing on Justice Scalia."
At the White House, spokesman McClellan said that "the American people would be asked to make the ultimate decision about Ms. Abdul," and then offered a toll-free phone number.
Elsewhere, former Supreme Court nominee Robert Bork told reporters today that he was "tanned, rested and ready."
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out www.borowitzreport.com.
