by Andy Borowitz & r & Latest Harry Potter Book Destroys Precious Rainforest -- The latest installment in the best-selling Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, has destroyed one of the most precious rainforests in the world, all the trees of which were felled to create the paper for the 652-page book.
Even as librarians and educators praised the latest Potter book for stirring children's enthusiasm about reading, ecologists howled in protest over the book's destruction of the Dihing-Patkai rainforest in Tinsukia, India.
Clear-cutting of the Dihing-Patkai rainforest began last fall to prepare for the publication of the much-anticipated Potter tome, virtually eliminating the natural habitat for such bird species as the Lesser Beautiful Nuthatch.
"I suppose we are supposed to be overjoyed that J.K. Rowling has brought forth yet another delightful installment of the Harry Potter saga," said Cassandra Spivak of the ecological group the Sierra Club. "Tell that to the Lesser Beautiful Nuthatch."
Ms. Spivak, who claimed that The Half-Blood Prince may have irrevocably increased the threat of global warming, also criticized the 652-page length of the book, saying that much of author Rowling's verbiage was unnecessary: "The word 'Quidditch' alone appears over 9,000 times."
While bemoaning the destruction of the Dihing-Patkai rain =forest, Ms. Spivak said that the Sierra Club was "pulling out all the stops" to keep similar ecological atrocities from occurring in the future: "We are doing everything in our power to keep Bill Clinton from writing another book."
Elsewhere, the author of the Karl Rove biography Bush's Brain said he is at work on a sequel entitled Bush's Brain Is Leaking.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out www.borowitzreport.com.
Even as librarians and educators praised the latest Potter book for stirring children's enthusiasm about reading, ecologists howled in protest over the book's destruction of the Dihing-Patkai rainforest in Tinsukia, India.
Clear-cutting of the Dihing-Patkai rainforest began last fall to prepare for the publication of the much-anticipated Potter tome, virtually eliminating the natural habitat for such bird species as the Lesser Beautiful Nuthatch.
"I suppose we are supposed to be overjoyed that J.K. Rowling has brought forth yet another delightful installment of the Harry Potter saga," said Cassandra Spivak of the ecological group the Sierra Club. "Tell that to the Lesser Beautiful Nuthatch."
Ms. Spivak, who claimed that The Half-Blood Prince may have irrevocably increased the threat of global warming, also criticized the 652-page length of the book, saying that much of author Rowling's verbiage was unnecessary: "The word 'Quidditch' alone appears over 9,000 times."
While bemoaning the destruction of the Dihing-Patkai rain =forest, Ms. Spivak said that the Sierra Club was "pulling out all the stops" to keep similar ecological atrocities from occurring in the future: "We are doing everything in our power to keep Bill Clinton from writing another book."
Elsewhere, the author of the Karl Rove biography Bush's Brain said he is at work on a sequel entitled Bush's Brain Is Leaking.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out www.borowitzreport.com.
