According to close associates, Mr. Hussein "likes his chances" of beating the charges against him if a non-judge is presiding. While some legal experts saw the former strongman's latest demand as yet another delaying tactic, those close to Mr. Hussein say that his ardor for Ms. Miers is authentic.
Reportedly, the Iraqi madman was watching television when Mr. Bush introduced his new nominee, and when Mr. Hussein learned that she had no judicial experience whatsoever, he jumped up from his prison bed and declared, "Bring me Harriet Miers!"
Mr. Hussein supposedly has told associates that with a non-judge presiding at his trial, he would be able to use what he called "weapons of mass disruption," such as inappropriate and excessive objections, motions and even bathroom breaks.
But President Bush, attempting to nip Mr. Hussein's latest strategy in the bud, gave his demand "a big no-can-do" at the White House today.
"Harriet Miers does not have the judging experience to deal with an evildoer as wily as Saddam Hussein," Mr. Bush said. "And the only way she can get that experience is by serving on the United States Supreme Court."
Elsewhere, thousands lined up to buy Powerball tickets when lottery officials announced that the grand prize would be a full tank of gas.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & .