At a briefing at FEMA headquarters in Washington, acting FEMA Director R. David Paulison said the agency had attempted to send invoices to over 2,000 residents in Mississippi but had been frustrated by the fact that many of those residents do not have addresses.
"To those Katrina victims who think they're going to avoid getting bills from us because they don't have an address, guess again," Mr. Paulison. "This whole 'homeless' scam of yours is now officially busted."
While some in Washington questioned the tactfulness of Mr. Paulison's remarks, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that billing Katrina victims was "only fair" and that he would soon issue invoices to every man, woman and child in Iraq for the cost of the war there.
According to Secretary Rumsfeld, the Defense Department would begin sending invoices asking each Iraqi citizen to pay $247,850 to pick up their share of the war's hefty tab.
"And I would urge those Iraqis who have been made 'homeless' by the war to get their rear in gear and get an address for us to send the bill to, pronto," Mr. Rumsfeld said at a Pentagon press briefing. "Honestly, some of those Iraqis are just as sneaky as those darn Katrina victims."
Elsewhere, veteran CIA official Mary O'Neil McCarthy was fired for leaking classified information to the Washington Post and was immediately given a high-ranking job at the White House.
& & For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & & & .