Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

By Andy Borowitz & r & & r & Bush Unveils Sudoku Plans for Remainder of HIS Term & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & & lt;/span & President George W. Bush used the occasion of the recent NATO summit in Latvia to unveil an ambitious plan for the remainder of his term in office, vowing to complete up to 20 Sudoku puzzles a day between now and 2009.





To many of the leaders gathering in Latvia who had expected to see a chastened U.S. president in the aftermath of his party's midterm election losses, Mr. Bush's ambitious Sudoku agenda came as a complete surprise.





"All of those critics out there who expected George W. Bush to roll over for the next two years are going to be sorely disappointed," said Portuguese president An & iacute;bal Cavaco Silva. "He had a lot of pencils sharpened and he seems totally prepared to use them."





While some NATO leaders seemed nonplussed by Mr. Bush's Sudoku agenda, British Prime Minister and fellow lame duck Tony Blair pledged to join the president in completing 20 Sudoku puzzles a day, pronouncing the puzzles "jolly good."





Prof. Davis Logsdon, who heads up the political science department of the University of Minnesota, said that Mr. Bush's ambitious Sudoku agenda may represent an opportunity to secure his legacy for his eight years in office.





"In President Bush's first six years, gas prices shot up to $3 a gallon and the budget deficit soared to $248 billion," Dr. Logsdon said. "These Sudoku puzzles could be his last chance to show he's good with numbers."





Elsewhere, top Chechen rebels turned down Russian President Vladimir Putin's offer to meet with him over sushi.





& & For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & & &

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Skunked
  • Skunked

    Why Spokane County Commissioners passed a temporary ban on new outdoor pot farms without telling anyone
    • Dec 8, 2016
  • Prisoner Problems
  • Prisoner Problems

    Computer errors continue to plague state Department of Corrections; plus, Washington ranked first in pro-charter-school policies
    • Dec 8, 2016
  • In Defense of Refugees
  • In Defense of Refugees

    In the aftermath of the presidential election, local residents seek ways to love and support their refugee friends
    • Dec 1, 2016
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu
Lost Egypt: Ancient Secrets, Modern Science

Lost Egypt: Ancient Secrets, Modern Science @ Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture

Tuesdays-Sundays. Continues through Jan. 6

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Unfinished Business

    Isaiah Wall wants to get his life on track. But first, he's gotta buy drugs for the police
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Fake-News Nightmare

    The social media dream of the 2000s is fading, but we can reset the system by sticking up for the truth
    • Dec 1, 2016
  • More »

Top Tags in
News & Comment

Briefs


green zone


marijuana


trail mix


Comment


Readers also liked…

  • Manufacturing Fear
  • Manufacturing Fear

    Spokane's Republican sheriff says members of his own party are dangerously dividing people
    • Aug 12, 2015
  • Hierarchy of Needs
  • Hierarchy of Needs

    Spokane experiments with Housing First programs
    • May 13, 2015

© 2016 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation