Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

By Andy Borowitz & r & & r & SIZE DOES NOT MATTER, CLAIMS KIM JON-IL & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & J & lt;/span & ust days after U.S. officials expressed their doubts about the size of North Korea's recent nuclear test, North Korean president Kim Jong-Il lashed out at his American doubters, releasing a terse statement from Pyongyang today asserting that "size does not matter."





On Tuesday, the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) measured the North Korean nuclear blast at a magnitude of 4.2 and released the following statement: "Based on our measurements, what Kim Jong-Il actually has is much smaller than what he claims he has."





This statement drew a fierce rebuttal from Mr. Kim, who said that the size of the blast did not matter, adding that other factors such as "strength and endurance" must be taken into account when evaluating a nuclear test.





Those comments did not go unanswered, however, as the USGS responded that the blast lasted only 2.3 seconds: "That may have been good for him, but it was not good for us."





Those remarks from the USGS only seemed to inflame the mercurial Kim, who then issued the following statement: "The undeniable truth is that the earth moved."





Moments after Kim made his remarks, however, they were refuted by White House spokesman Tony Snow, who made the following dismissive comment to reporters: "The earth may have moved for him, but we were not feeling much on this end."





Elsewhere, Rep. Jim Kolbe defended his decision to take two congressional pages with him on a camping trip, telling reporters, "They were safer there than in Congress."





& r &


& & For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & & & .

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Recall and Response
  • Recall and Response

    The attempt to remove Spokane Mayor David Condon from office may be a long shot, but he isn't taking any chances
    • Aug 25, 2016
  • Shades of Black Lives
  • Shades of Black Lives

    A Spokane County detective's Facebook post about Black Lives Matter sparks debate among local law enforcement
    • Aug 25, 2016
  • Fires Hit Home
  • Fires Hit Home

    Tens of thousands of acres burn around Spokane on Sunday and Monday; plus, DOJ weighs in on concerns over bail system
    • Aug 25, 2016
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon
Spokane Artist Trading Card Swap

Spokane Artist Trading Card Swap @ Boots Bakery & Lounge

Last Wednesday of every month

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • 'Unreasonable Threat to Life and Property'

    Spokane's rental housing has problems, but landlord and tenant groups are split on a solution
    • Aug 11, 2016
  • 'End of Story'

    Condon administration aims to close the controversial Frank Straub chapter — but last week's scathing report has irrevocably changed the narrative
    • Aug 4, 2016
  • More »

Top Tags in
News & Comment

Briefs


election 2016


green zone


marijuana


trail mix


Readers also liked…

  • Where School Bonds Go to Die
  • Where School Bonds Go to Die

    Central Valley School District's bond and levy package wouldn't increase property taxes a dime — but don't tell that to Duane Alton
    • Feb 5, 2015
  • Worth a Shot
  • Worth a Shot

    As preventable disease breaks out, concern for public health reaches a fever pitch
    • Feb 18, 2015

© 2016 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation