By Andy Borowitz & r & & r & Court gives Gore's Oscar to Bush & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & J & lt;/span & ust days after former Vice President Al Gore received an Academy Award for his global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth, the United States Supreme Court handed Mr. Gore a stunning reversal, stripping him of his Oscar and awarding it to President George W. Bush instead.
For Mr. Gore, who basked in the adulation of his Hollywood audience Sunday night, the high court's decision to give his Oscar to President Bush was a cruel twist of fate, to say the least.
But in a 5-4 decision handed down Tuesday morning, the justices made it clear that they had taken the unprecedented step of stripping Mr. Gore of his Oscar because President Bush deserved it more.
"It is true that Al Gore has done a lot of talking about global warming," wrote Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the majority. "But President Bush has actually helped create global warming."
In another setback for the former vice president, a group of scientists meeting in Oslo, Norway, today said that Mr. Gore was growing at an unsustainable rate.
"The polar ice caps may be shrinking, but Al Gore is clearly expanding," said Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the University of Tokyo.
The scientists concluded that if Mr. Gore continues to expand at his current rate, he could cause the earth to spin off its axis by 2010, sending it hurtling into the sun.
"Here's an inconvenient truth," Dr. Kyosuke added. "Al's got to stay away from those carbs."
Elsewhere, after foreigners received a record number of Academy Award nominations, CNN anchor Lou Dobbs proposed building a 12-foot high fence around the Kodak Theater.
For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out borowitzreport.com.
The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.