Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

By Andy Borowitz & r & & r & BUSH STRIPS LIBBY OF NICKNAME & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & J & lt;/span & ust hours after Vice President Dick Cheney's former chief of staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby was found guilty in his trial relating to the CIA leak scandal, Mr. Libby suffered another setback as President George W. Bush officially stripped him of his nickname in a somber White House ceremony.





"Scooter Libby, you are Scooter Libby no more," Mr. Bush declared, to the applause of Mr. Cheney and top White House aides. "You are now just plain old I. Lewis Libby."





Mr. Bush told reporters that he decided to strip Mr. Libby of his nickname because "I hardly knew the man."





Referring to Mr. Libby's trial, Mr. Bush said, "Just like Lewis Libby can't remember anything he did in the five years he worked here, I can't remember him working here at all."





White House spokesman Tony Snow said that Mr. Libby's former nickname, Scooter, would likely be reassigned to someone else in the upper echelon of the administration.





"We may start calling Postmaster General John E. Potter 'Scooter' Potter,'" Mr. Snow said. "It's a good nickname for the Postmaster General because it makes him sound all speedy and all."





For his part, Mr. Libby was philosophical about being convicted on four out of five counts in his perjury trial, telling reporters, "One out of five ain't bad."


"This verdict means that I was telling the truth 20 percent of the time," Mr. Libby said. "That's still way above average for this administration."





Elsewhere, a lunar eclipse occurred over the weekend when former Vice President Al Gore briefly stepped in front of the moon.





For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out borowitzreport.com.

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • A Forever Home
  • A Forever Home

    On National Adoption Day, families become whole
    • Nov 25, 2014
  • It's Exploding
  • It's Exploding

    Why lawmakers and cops are worried about people blowing themselves up
    • Nov 25, 2014
  • GU Shake-Up
  • GU Shake-Up

    The woman overseeing reports of sexual assault at Gonzaga resigns; plus, a new study on Lakeland Village
    • Nov 25, 2014
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu
Spokane Winter Glow Spectacular

Spokane Winter Glow Spectacular @ Riverfront Park

Nov. 28-Jan. 1

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Most Commented On

  • The Lives on the Bus

    Can the STA redesign the Plaza in a way that makes everyone happy?
    • Nov 12, 2014
  • Prisoners of War

    The war on drugs isn't over. Still in the feds' crosshairs: medical marijuana growers across eastern Washington
    • Oct 29, 2014
  • More »

© 2014 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation