Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

by ANDY BOROWITZ & r & & r & NADER WARNS BLOOMBERG NOT TO RUN & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & N & lt;/span & ot so fast. That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, "If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it's going to be me."





Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was "only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."





At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg's motives: "Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up."





In contrast, Mr. Nader said, "I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time."





If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up 3 percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to 50 percent in California and New York.





Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a "novice spoiler," adding, "When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters. Michael Bloomberg can't point to a single election he's messed up -- I can," he said. "I am ready to screw this one up on Day One."





Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, "Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture."

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Untouchable
  • Untouchable

    New claims of Spokane sidestepping civil service rules; Mobius finds a temporary home
    • Jan 21, 2015
  • Friends with Benefits
  • Friends with Benefits

    Is a special deal with a private club helping the city's public golf courses?
    • Jan 21, 2015
  • A New Voice
  • A New Voice

    The Black Lens, continues Spokane's long tradition of African-American publications
    • Jan 21, 2015
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Say 'No' to Fear

    Why Spokane ought to embrace its roots as an immigrant-friendly place
    • Jan 21, 2015
  • Mothers and Leaders

    History often overlooks the women who powered the politics of the civil rights movement
    • Jan 7, 2015
  • More »

© 2015 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation