Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

by ANDY BOROWITZ & r & & r & NADER WARNS BLOOMBERG NOT TO RUN & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & N & lt;/span & ot so fast. That was the message delivered today to New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg by consumer activist Ralph Nader, who warned Mr. Bloomberg, "If some egomaniac is going to jump in and screw up this election, it's going to be me."





Mr. Nader established an exploratory committee for a presidential bid today to let Mr. Bloomberg know that there was "only room for one self-absorbed gas-bag in the 2008 race."





At a press conference in Washington, Mr. Nader said that voters who are looking for someone to spoil the 2008 election should be suspicious of Mr. Bloomberg's motives: "Michael Bloomberg has a track record of winning elections, not screwing them up."





In contrast, Mr. Nader said, "I know how hard it is to wreck an election, and I am prepared to put in the long hours necessary to mess this one up big-time."





If both Mr. Nader and Mr. Bloomberg were to enter the race, they would be competing head to head for the vote of egomaniacs, who make up 3 percent of the electorate nationwide but closer to 50 percent in California and New York.





Speaking to that egomaniac constituency, Mr. Nader called Mr. Bloomberg a "novice spoiler," adding, "When it comes to screwing up elections, experience matters. Michael Bloomberg can't point to a single election he's messed up -- I can," he said. "I am ready to screw this one up on Day One."





Elsewhere, Attorney General Michael Mukasey clarified his position on waterboarding, saying, "Having to answer questions about whether waterboarding is torture or not is torture."

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • A Forever Home
  • A Forever Home

    On National Adoption Day, families become whole
    • Nov 25, 2014
  • It's Exploding
  • It's Exploding

    Why lawmakers and cops are worried about people blowing themselves up
    • Nov 25, 2014
  • GU Shake-Up
  • GU Shake-Up

    The woman overseeing reports of sexual assault at Gonzaga resigns; plus, a new study on Lakeland Village
    • Nov 25, 2014
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon
A T. Rex Named Sue

A T. Rex Named Sue @ Mobius Science Center

Tuesdays-Sundays. Continues through Jan. 4

All of today's events | Staff Picks

Most Commented On

  • The Lives on the Bus

    Can the STA redesign the Plaza in a way that makes everyone happy?
    • Nov 12, 2014
  • Prisoners of War

    The war on drugs isn't over. Still in the feds' crosshairs: medical marijuana growers across eastern Washington
    • Oct 29, 2014
  • More »

© 2014 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation