Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

by ANDY BOROWITZ & r & & r & 'TAUNTED' GAY TIGER ATTACKS HUCKABEE & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & A & lt;/span & fter making remarks in which he directly equated homosexuality with bestiality, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee was attacked at the San Francisco Zoo by a gay tiger.





Mr. Huckabee had scheduled a campaign stop at the zoo where he made his controversial remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing that he was standing within earshot of a Bengal tiger with a homosexual lifestyle.





According to onlooker Tracy Klujian, 27, "The way that tiger started growling during the speech, you could tell that it felt like it was being taunted."





As Huckabee's remarks about homosexuality and bestiality reached their crescendo, the irate tiger leaped over an 18-foot barrier and began mauling the presidential candidate.





Within minutes, police responding to a 911 call rushed to the scene, where they fired tranquilizer darts at both the tiger and Huckabee, who had continued to make his offensive remarks throughout the mauling.





According to one aide, the unfortunate tiger attack incident had done nothing to change Huckabee's position on gay marriage: "Not only that, but now he's opposed to tigers marrying other tigers."





In other campaign news, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney used a speech in South Carolina to tout his life experience, including his stint as a generic white male Clipart illustration.





And in Florida, former Tennessee senator Fred Thompson picked up the endorsement of the National Association of Jowly Grouches. Mr. Thompson promised the Grouches that if elected, he would tell those damn kids to get off their lawn.





Elsewhere, frustrated by persistent questions about steroid use, pitcher Roger Clemens threw a car at a reporter.

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Reunited We Stand
  • Reunited We Stand

    With major provisions of Trump's executive order put on temporary hold, 11 Iraqi refugees reunite with their families in Spokane
    • Feb 16, 2017
  • Working Blue
  • Working Blue

    Spokane police officer under fire for profanity; plus, Tomi Lahren — and her opinions — are coming to town
    • Feb 16, 2017
  • 'Cautiously Optimistic'
  • 'Cautiously Optimistic'

    Spokane Public Schools has seen improvement since committing to reducing suspensions, but the hardest part is yet to come
    • Feb 16, 2017
  • More »

Comments


Comments are closed.

Today | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun
Ric Gendron: Salish Stories

Ric Gendron: Salish Stories @ Spokane Art School

Mondays-Fridays, 5-9 p.m. Continues through March 31

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • We Have Not Yet Begun to Fight

    Why we're filling the streets to protest Trump's inhumane, dangerous policies
    • Feb 2, 2017
  • Obscene Gestures

    Spokane political party leaders hope to harness post-election passion into civil discourse. But so far, there's only been more strife
    • Feb 9, 2017
  • More »

Top Tags in
News & Comment

Briefs


green zone


marijuana


Comment


do something


Readers also liked…

  • Patrolling While Black
  • Patrolling While Black

    Gordon Grant's nearly 30 years as a Spokane cop have been affected by race, but that's not the whole story
    • Jul 8, 2015
  • Manufacturing Fear
  • Manufacturing Fear

    Spokane's Republican sheriff says members of his own party are dangerously dividing people
    • Aug 12, 2015

© 2017 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation