Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

by ANDY BOROWITZ & r & & r & HILLARY SENDS BILL TO CAMPAIGN IN ANTARCTICA & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & D & lt;/span & emocratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has sent her husband, former President Bill Clinton, on a "special campaign trip" to Antarctica that could last "six or seven months," Clinton aides confirmed today. "From here on in, Bill is going to be our man in Antarctica," said top Clinton strategist Mark Penn. "We have sent him down there with enough food and firewood to last until the Democratic convention this summer."





The unexpected change in the former president's itinerary happened just hours after Mrs. Clinton's drubbing in the South Carolina primary, causing some party insiders to wonder if Mr. Clinton's mission to Antarctica represented something of a demotion.





The decision to dispatch Mr. Clinton to the South Pole also raised eyebrows because the continent of Antarctica does not participate in the so-called "Super Tuesday" primaries on Feb. 5 and sends no delegates to the Democratic National Convention.





Mr. Penn attempted to tamp down all such speculation, telling reporters, "This race isn't about votes or delegates, it's about land mass, frozen tundra and penguins."





Mr. Clinton's itinerary change comes on the heels of a controversial incident Saturday night in which he was discovered bound and gagged in the bathroom of Mrs. Clinton's campaign plane, his hands tied by what appeared to be the jacket of a bright yellow pantsuit. Speaking to reporters with a strip of duct tape still over his mouth, Mr. Clinton denied that he was being muzzled by the campaign, adding, "Mmmfff mghrmfff mmbrrfff."





Elsewhere, the White House announced that President Bush's State of the Union address was simulcast in English.

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Crash > Click > Cash
  • Crash > Click > Cash

    Lawyers and chiropractors already have your name, your address and the police report from your car accident — and they want you to hire them
    • Jul 21, 2016
  • Starting Small
  • Starting Small

    A village of tiny houses in Spokane Valley could serve as a model for fighting homelessness in the region
    • Jul 21, 2016
  • Drastic Action
  • Drastic Action

    Spokane among seven school districts sued by State Superintendent of Public Instruction; plus, trio of police-chief finalists are in town
    • Jul 21, 2016
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue
The Golden Spike

The Golden Spike @ Spark Center

Fri., July 29, 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Lane Ends Ahead

    Spokane wants to improve a mile-long section of Monroe — but that means taking away two lanes
    • Jul 7, 2016
  • Too Smart for School

    What happens when a 12-year-old prodigy tries to go to college in Spokane?
    • Jun 30, 2016
  • More »

Top Tags in
News & Comment

green zone


marijuana


Briefs


election 2016


trail mix


Readers also liked…

  • Letters from Mark
  • Letters from Mark

    A mother tries to understand the suicide of a son — just as he was regaining his freedom
    • Jan 14, 2015
  • Cause For Alarm
  • Cause For Alarm

    Residents of a remote part of Stevens County say something is making them sick, but no one is sure exactly what it is
    • Jun 30, 2016

© 2016 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation