Pin It
Favorite

Borowitz Report 

by ANDY BOROWITZ & r & & r & HILLARY SENDS BILL TO CAMPAIGN IN ANTARCTICA & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & D & lt;/span & emocratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has sent her husband, former President Bill Clinton, on a "special campaign trip" to Antarctica that could last "six or seven months," Clinton aides confirmed today. "From here on in, Bill is going to be our man in Antarctica," said top Clinton strategist Mark Penn. "We have sent him down there with enough food and firewood to last until the Democratic convention this summer."





The unexpected change in the former president's itinerary happened just hours after Mrs. Clinton's drubbing in the South Carolina primary, causing some party insiders to wonder if Mr. Clinton's mission to Antarctica represented something of a demotion.





The decision to dispatch Mr. Clinton to the South Pole also raised eyebrows because the continent of Antarctica does not participate in the so-called "Super Tuesday" primaries on Feb. 5 and sends no delegates to the Democratic National Convention.





Mr. Penn attempted to tamp down all such speculation, telling reporters, "This race isn't about votes or delegates, it's about land mass, frozen tundra and penguins."





Mr. Clinton's itinerary change comes on the heels of a controversial incident Saturday night in which he was discovered bound and gagged in the bathroom of Mrs. Clinton's campaign plane, his hands tied by what appeared to be the jacket of a bright yellow pantsuit. Speaking to reporters with a strip of duct tape still over his mouth, Mr. Clinton denied that he was being muzzled by the campaign, adding, "Mmmfff mghrmfff mmbrrfff."





Elsewhere, the White House announced that President Bush's State of the Union address was simulcast in English.

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Seven Ways Drought is Impacting the Inland Northwest
  • Seven Ways Drought is Impacting the Inland Northwest

    No, it's not as bad as in California, but drought is taking a hefty toll
    • Jul 29, 2015
  • Hopeless for Heroin
  • Hopeless for Heroin

    As heroin deaths continue to rise in Washington state, what can a parent do to save a child from the depths of addiction?
    • Jul 29, 2015
  • Call Mr. Yuk
  • Call Mr. Yuk

    Gov. Inslee avoids the "poison pill"; plus, pushing back against empty Kickstarter promises
    • Jul 29, 2015
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed
KuroNekoCon

KuroNekoCon @ Spokane Convention Center

Sat., Aug. 1, 9 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sun., Aug. 2, 9 a.m.-10 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Patrolling While Black

    Gordon Grant's nearly 30 years as a Spokane cop have been affected by race, but that's not the whole story
    • Jul 8, 2015
  • Rushing's Rant

    The Airway Heights City Council has asked the mayor to resign after posting a racist Facebook message
    • Jul 15, 2015
  • More »

© 2015 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation