Pin It
Favorite

I Am Number Four 

A big, dumb movie for the Team Edward/Jacob crowd.

click to enlarge art16578.jpg

High school is hard. High school is even harder when you’re a secret ET in hiding from alien villains. And now that the other alien kids are dead, you’re next.

Why are these alien kids so important? And why are the bad aliens so inconsistent in their badness (they could be having fun decimating 6 billion plus humans, instead of hunting down one random bland blond kid)? Who cares! John Smith (the exceptionally bland and blond Alex Pettyfer) is a sad, lonely, brooding, a-dor-able cute alien guy who uses his awesome alien powers to come to the defense of geeks getting bullied. He likes sensitive, artistic girls. And they like him back! Sigh. It’s just like Twilight except he’s from outer space instead of inner night. It’s just like Harry Potter only totally without any charm or humor.

At least Henri, John’s alien warrior guardian, is played by the Timothy Olyphant — though his talents are wasted here. Why couldn’t the movie be about an alien who’s 40 instead of 16? Hasn’t adolescence and high school as a metaphor for feeling alienated been done to death? If there is a new nuance to find in the trope, Four doesn’t find it. But there is a climactic alien battle at the high school that is likely good for at least one unexpected day off for the students. So there’s that teen fantasy indulged. Harry Potter and Twilight never did that.

I suppose if big dumb movies like this one usually can’t even draw human people in a believable way, we shouldn’t expect them to draw alien-people believably. Henri’s warns John about his sensitive photographer nerdy-but-hot girlfriend (Dianna Agron) that he’s alien, and they “don’t love like the humans.” No, they love forever. That just seems like a ploy to get swooning teenage girls to give up their membership on Team Edward or Team Jacob and come over to Team Four. And that might even work. (Rated PG-13 ).

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

Latest in Film

Readers also liked…

Comments


Comments are closed.

Today | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat
EarthDaySpokane 2017

EarthDaySpokane 2017 @ Riverfront Park

Sun., April 23, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

All of today's events | Staff Picks

or

More by Maryann Johanson

  • Running on Fumes
  • Running on Fumes

    The eighth time is really not the charm for the long-running Fast and Furious franchise, which is dumb enough to drive a critic mad
    • Apr 13, 2017
  • Blue in the Face
  • Blue in the Face

    Doubling down on regressive gender stereotypes, The Lost Village is a Smurfing disaster
    • Apr 6, 2017
  • King of the Blockbusters
  • King of the Blockbusters

    Kong: Skull Island is a surprisingly solid reboot, as exciting as it is knowingly goofy
    • Mar 9, 2017
  • More »

© 2017 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation