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by Inlander Staff & r & & r & 16 Blocks -- Bruce Willis is a worn-out city cop, Mos Def is the chatty special witness he must escort to a court house and David Morse heads up a group of dirty cops who don't want him to get there. All three are excellent in their parts. Richard Donner's film is gritty and tense, with taut action sequences, but Richard Wenk's script offers a terrific character study of the three men at its center. (ES) Rated PG-13





Aquamarine -- Splash meets the Goonies meets, I dunno ... Emma, in this fractured fairy tale for tweens. Somehow, and we haven't got this completely figured out yet, the mysterious beaching of a mermaid following a winter storm will teach us all a valuable lesson about marrying for love and about, you know, not moving away from your neighborhood. Or something. Rated PG





Brokeback Mountain -- Everybody's talking about "the gay cowboy movie," with Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger as longtime lovers who try to keep the secret from their wives. Most folks are saying good things about Ang Lee's first film since Hulk. But the film runs too slow, and the story doesn't offer enough explanation of motivation. Beautiful scenery and a great performance by Michelle Williams really isn't enough. And Gyllenhaal's mustache looks ridiculous. (ES) Rated R





Curious George -- The simple and gentle kiddie books have gone even simpler and gentler in this flatly animated film adaptation that's geared toward viewers who are too young to be brought to a movie theater. The Man in the Yellow Hat (voice of Will Ferrell) goes to Africa to find a museum-worthy relic and is followed back to New York by the frisky but lonely monkey, and all sorts of adventures ensue -- none of which will hold the attention of anyone older than 5. This will work far better as a baby-sitter on DVD. (ES) Rated G





Date Movie -- The Wayans brothers are so profitable (funny is another question) that people have begun floating films from their writing staff. Date Movie is just that. Two of the writers of Scary Movie were given clearance to satirize the romantic comedy genre in the broad, obvious strokes with which they satirized the horror genre. Exactly the kind of wackiness you'd expect ensues. Rated PG-13





Eight Below -- So there's, like, this storm, right? Wicked one. In Antarctica or something. And there's this research team. They get out alive, but they're forced to leave their beloved (and intelligent) dog team behind to fend for themselves. Anthropomorphizing ensues. Rated PG





Failure to Launch -- Tripp (Matthew McConaughey) is handsome, wealthy and too lazy to move out of his parents' house. So his folks hire a "consultant" (Sarah Jessica Parker) to lure him away with a promise of romance. There are plot holes galore, along with by-the-numbers storytelling. But the film manages to remain an enjoyable, if fluffy, romp. (ES) Rated PG-13





Firewall -- Harrison Ford runs all sorts of security systems at his bank and is the one picked by nasty Paul Bettany and his gang of techno thieves -- who have kidnapped his family -- to bypass those systems ands show them the money. The whole plot seems lifted from The Friends of Eddie Coyle, and while there are some good twists, we've seen Ford and others do this sort of thing before. (ES) Rated PG-13





Forces of Nature -- Showcasing the awesome spectacle of earthquakes, volcanoes, and severe storms as we follow scientists on their quests to understand how these natural disasters are triggered. Narrated by Kevin Bacon! Unrated





Greece: Secrets of the Past -- Continuing their long tradition of making learning fun, the folks at IMAX bring us Greece, wherein you get to "see how the island of Santorini was formed and how the island's volcanic eruption, one of the biggest explosions in Earth's history, occurred. Follow a team of archeologists piecing together the puzzles of ancient history and learn how the field of archeology has progressed. Travel to Athens and see how computer graphic imaging can restore the Parthenon to its original glory. Trace some of our modern society's customs -- democracy, medicine, athletics and theatre back to their roots in the Golden Age of Greece." Unrated





The Hills Have Eyes -- They do, we saw them. Deformed irradiated eyes at that. This is the crap-my-car-broke-down story of a group traveling through New Mexico who get stranded in nuclear test central. Deformed citizens quickly descend with, we're led to believe, grisly intentions. Fallout ensues. Rated R





The Libertine -- Johnny Depp has syphilis! Yes, it's the secret fantasy of every homely dude whose significant other ever swooned at Cry Baby, and it also happens to be the plot of The Libertine. It's a crapshoot though -- taking your lover to this will either end his/her love of Depp forever or make it that much stronger. Such is the pull of The Libertine. Rated R





Nanny McPhee -- Emma Thompson gets ultra-ugly while Colin Firth stays super-repressed and painfully British in the precocious Nanny McPhee. Humans are comparing this to Mary Poppins -- and not just that dullard Gene Shalit. Rated PG





Pink Panther -- Remake of the Peter Sellers classic Francophone-lampooning slap-stick-a-thon about a stolen pink diamond. If anyone was going to try to reprise the role of Jacques Clouseau, we'd have wanted it to be Steve Martin. That doesn't mean it's going to be good, though. Rated PG





The Shaggy Dog -- In the latest in a series of films that didn't need to be remade, Tim Allen plays the namesake shaggy dog. Or rather, a dude who, through strange and unforeseeable circumstances, becomes a dog. What? No, no, this isn't The Animal, that was Rob Schneider. This looks less funny, if that's possible. Rated PG





She's the Man -- Finally, the Amanda Bynes star vehicle all us WB devotees have been waiting for! That girl is so funny. She cross-dresses here, for some reason (OMG other than hilarity!) that's not immediately clear to us, taking her brother's place at a prestigious prep school. Sweet, teeny-bopper gender politics flick ensues. Rated PG-13





The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada -- The story of a murdered ranch hand and the journey to bring him back to his home village -- and bring his killer to repentance. Full of riotous laughter and calamitous sorrow, The Three Burials of Melqiades Estrada manages the full gamut of lunatic emotions without cheapening any of them. That's a hell of a feat. It's another triumph for Arriaga and the first in a long time for Tommy Lee Jones. (LB) Rated R





The World's Fastest Indian -- Aptly titled, but not for the reason you might think, Anthony Hopkins plays a New Zealander who built, then tweaked, an Indian-brand motorcycle -- turning it, he hoped, into the fastest thing that'd ever set wheels on Utah's Bonneville Salt Flats. Land speed records ensue. Rated PG-13





Ultraviolet -- It's got the sleek futurism of The Island and the robotic-looking soldiers of Equilibrium! Remember how much both of those movies sucked? This one will too. Still, it's got the hot Milla Jovovich of The 5th Element (not the janky Jovovich of Resident Evil), so, you know, that's a plus. Rated PG-13





V for Vendetta -- In a fascist London a couple of decades from now, a masked man named V rekindles the spirit of long ago would-be Parliament bomber Guy Fawkes. He wants the people to destroy the vile government, and grooms young Evey (Natalie Portman) to help with the task. Based on the series of comic books, this is slick, stylized, thrilling and visceral filmmaking. It's violent and thoughtful and fun. (ES) Rated PG-13

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