by Inlander Staff & r & & r & Crank -- It's a rough day in Britain-land when you wake up and realize you're going to die -- that there's some sort of poison or other general nastiness coursing through your system (put there by bad, bad men) that will kill you. Soon. So you go around trying to kill the guys who are killing you. You might be looking for a cure but, then, you might just want to take a few of the bastards with you. Jason Statham plays the dying guy. We like him ... despite ourselves. Rated R
The Illusionist -- The strange tale of a parlor magician who courted a princess who then got engaged to a crown prince, and how, by and by, the magician used his tricks to win her back. Why do all Europeans get English accents in films? Shouldn't these Austrians have, you know, German accents? Perhaps, but why not straight American accents, if it's all the same? Whatever. This film, featuring performances by Ed Norton, Paul Giamatti and Rufus Sewell, looks pleasant in a decidedly un-summer kind of way. Rated PG-13
The Quiet -- Everything's cool until some orphaned deaf, mute chick moves in with Nina Deer's family -- the girl is like Nina's parents' goddaughter or something -- and totally effs up Nina's pristine, respectable high school life, like forever. Naturally, murder and the unraveling of dark family secrets ensue. Rated R
The Wicker Man -- Okay, so here's what. Nic Cage's daughter died or something and now, on a mission to save some other girl from vaguely frightening abduction-type scenarios, the line drawn in his reality between the daughter he couldn't save and the girl he might just be able to save blurs. It's a remake, but Neil LaBute is like Kid Rock, an American bad ass. Rated PG-13
The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.