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Opening Films 

by Inlander Staff & r &


AQUA TEEN HUNGER


FORCE COLON MOVIE


FILM FOR THEATERS


As Ben Kromer pointed out in our TV column a while ago, Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a show whose continuity only runs in 11-minute segments. The trick for this feature-length animated film about a milkshake, a hamburger patty and a large fry isn't keeping the absurd, amoral hilarity going for an entire movie. No, the trick will be stretching the show's barely-there plots to eight times that length. (LB) Rated R





DISTURBIA


Shia LaBeouf plays a kid under house arrest who begins to suspect his neighbor of being a homicidal maniac. A remake of Hitchcock's Rear Window for the tween set, the D.J. Caruso film seems to be trying to go bigger and bloodier, probably destroying Hitchcock's paranoid tension in the process. (LB) Rated PG-13





PATHFINDER


Two hundred years before Columbus and company started ridding the New World of its inhabitants, the Vikings tried to. That's Pathfinder's conceit anyway. The filmmakers have foregone Viking history here, instead using the modern American fantasy tropes built around our perceptions of Viking history. Hence everything in Pathfinder looks like a Frank Frazetta painting. That's kinda tight. (LB) Rated R





PERFECT STRANGER


Halle Berry looks great, but acts bland in a twisty but tepid "thriller" in which she's a journalist who likes to bring down powerful men. Her newest target is ad man Bruce Willis, who likely cheated on his wife, then had to get rid of the "evidence." Willis is pretty good, as is Giovanni Ribisi as a computer wizard. But the ridiculous plotline(s) go spinning out of control to an absurd series of endings. (ES) Rated R





REDLINE


The working title for street racing blockbuster The Fast and The Furious was "Redline." Fitting, then, that Redline would seem to have the same premise. Drive cars fast, win money, land women. The only difference seems to be the stakes. Hoping to match the gritty street racing of Fast and the Furious with the bling factor of MTV's materialism triumvirate of Cribs, Pimp My Ride and My Super Sweet 16, they've made the racers millionaires. Exciting, eh? (LB) Rated PG-13





SLOW BURN


The Vulcan chick from Enterprise is playing an assistant DA in Slow Burn. That's some range, girl. Nora Timmer (Jolene Blalock, the one-time Vulcan) is a hard-nosed district attorney accused of killing a man in her home. Mayoral candidate Ford Cole (Ray Liotta) has to figure out guilt or innocence before the cops do. (LB) Rated R

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