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Don't wear anything into the River that you don't want smelling like Grandpa's blackened lungs for the next week. That said, this place is awesome — certainly the best dive in the Lake City. Stop in to challenge the bartender at Horses and win a buck for the jukebox. Newbies, blow the horn over the bar for a free beer. (It ain't easy — give it hell.) Load the 'box with Hank Williams and have a go at darts, foosball or pool. Buy a world-famous "Tuh-Doo Tuh-Doo" for only a quarter. Just don't get caught cussin' or you'll be out on your ass. (JS)

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