Pin It
Favorite

The Borowitz Report 

by Andy Borowitz & r & & r & WHITE HOUSE OUSTS PASTRY CHEF; SHAKEUP COMPLETE & r & Attempting to answer the calls within his own party to shake up his beleaguered administration, President George W. Bush last week ousted the White House pastry chef and pronounced the shakeup complete.


"There have been many Republicans in Congress who have been calling upon me to do something drastic," Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House. "I am convinced that by firing the pastry chef, we have fixed the problems."


Mr. Bush, while declining to "play the blame game," indicated that after much consideration he had concluded that the White House pastry chef was at the root of most of the problems of his administration.


"Let's face it, during the run-up to the war in Iraq, there was all of that talk about weapons of mass destruction, and the pastry chef didn't say anything about it," Mr. Bush said. "If he knew that the intelligence was faulty, he should have spoken up."


The president added that the pastry chef was "slow to act" in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina: "Basically, he was just in the kitchen baking the whole time."


While Mr. Bush said that firing the White House pastry chef would probably solve all of the problems plaguing his administration of late, he was not afraid to take future action if warranted.


"I am fully prepared to fire the person who waters the plants around here," Mr. Bush said.


Elsewhere, adolescents who do not get enough sleep and then drive while drowsy pose a safety hazard, according to a new study today published in Duh magazine.





& & For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="http://www.borowitzreport.com" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & & & .

  • Pin It

Latest in News

  • Barred from Help
  • Barred from Help

    Why mentally ill inmates continue to languish in the Spokane County Jail
    • Jul 22, 2015
  • Envision This!
  • Envision This!

    DSP is fighting the proposed Worker Bill of Rights; plus, finalists for Spokane's police ombudsman
    • Jul 22, 2015
  • Shake Down
  • Shake Down

    When a 9.0 magnitude earthquake rocks Western Washington, what will happen in the Inland Northwest?
    • Jul 22, 2015
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Mon
Moscow ArtWalk 2015

Moscow ArtWalk 2015 @ Downtown Moscow

Tuesdays, Thursdays, Sundays. Continues through Aug. 31

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • Patrolling While Black

    Gordon Grant's nearly 30 years as a Spokane cop have been affected by race, but that's not the whole story
    • Jul 8, 2015
  • Rushing's Rant

    The Airway Heights City Council has asked the mayor to resign after posting a racist Facebook message
    • Jul 15, 2015
  • More »

© 2015 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation