Who watches: All-American men, mostly.
When we watched it: Sept. 3-21
Hours watched: 10+
Sign of the Apocalypse or the new Golden Age of TV: Again, we’re going with the Apocalypse — lots of shows about building guns and surviving in the woods. You’d need those skills.
Shows about Alaska: 6
Shows hosted/narrated by Mike Rowe: 10-ish
Fast N’ Loud
Air time: Mondays at 10 pm
Watch if: You’re a classic car junkie, a lady who’s a sucker for men with beards or just want to watch a reality show with a cast you’d actually want to crack open a beer with.
Texas Car Wars
SHOULD BE CANCELED
Airs: Thursdays at 10 pm
Watch if: You’re a classic car lover who will watch any car-themed show no matter what.
The Austin-based series takes on a team-competition format each episode, with its four featured garages going to the same car auction where they often fight each other to win the same car. Then they have figure out how to make the biggest comparable profit flipping whatever hunk-o’-junk they won.
Bering Sea Gold: Under the Ice
Air time: Fridays at 9 pm
Watch if: That other show about Alaska gold miners wasn’t stupid enough for you.
You’d have to be pretty crazy and hardcore to head off to Alaska in the dead of winter to take a stab at getting rich mining gold under four-feet-thick sheets of ice in 27 degree water. Divers under the ice risk hypothermia, frostbite and — oh yeah — death if even the slightest thing goes wrong while they’re down there alone, looking for gold in the dark. Though it’s likely the network will continue for a while to air reruns of this five episode miniseries (spun off its summertime ocean-dredging show, Bering Sea Gold), the final episode premiered last Friday.
Air time: Mondays at 9 pm
The last two seasons of Discovery’s popular chopper motorcycle building show have been tagged Paul Sr. vs. Paul Jr. because — as fans of this show are sure to remember — there was a huge blow up and nasty ensuing feud between dad Paul Teutel Sr. and his two sons, Paul Jr. and Mikey, back in 2008.
The falling out ended the show as fans knew it, but this fall viewers are reintroduced to a tentative, tip-toeing relationship between Paul Sr. and Paul Jr., as they each continue running their separate businesses but try to get back to amicable terms.
The first couple episodes of the new season are fraught with solo on-camera confessions from both dad and son as they rehash over and over — OK, we get it, you guys got really, really pissed off at each other — that they think they can get back to collaborating, but it’s going to take time. Good thing they have an entire season.
Who watches: Stay-at-home moms, ex-pageant queens and lots and lots of brides-to-be.
When we watched it: Sept. 4-20
Sign of the Apocalypse or the new Golden Age of TV: When there’s a show all about the unending displays of crudeness from America’s most redneck family ever (Here Comes Honey Boo Boo), something seems to point to the Apocalypse.
Shows about weddings: 9
Shows about people with too many kids: 2, but that’s actually an improvement. Remember Jon & Kate Plus 8?
Air time: 10 pm, Sundays
During this pseudo-reality show’s second episode, it was at first almost endearing to watch the four 20-something Amish and one Mennonite arrive in NYC and try to figure out how to use an elevator and a hotel room coffee maker.
Supposedly, these ultra-conservatives had never been exposed to so many of the things that we take for granted every day — cars, electricity, running water. But, we did our homework and found more than a few articles stating TLC has fessed up that parts of the series were staged. Can’t say we were surprised.
After watching the first two episodes it’s easy to see that the show is going to be about more than just a bunch of purportedly sheltered kids from New England wandering around the big city.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Airs: Wednesdays at 10 pm
Watch if: You want to see the most white-trash family in America.
During each episode, dear little Honey Boo Boo graces audiences with plenty of farting, burping and other equally obnoxious behaviors. There doesn’t seem to be much this child — or her 300-lb. mother — won’t do in front of a camera, which is basically why the show is so popular.