Pin It
Favorite

Trail Mix 

by TED S. McGREGOR JR. & r & & r & The Balloonies & r & & r & Hard to believe it's only been five months since this madness started on Jan. 3 in Iowa. But now with Montana and South Dakota in the books, it's time to take a look at some of the highlights. So here are the Balloonies (as in, hot air -- get it?), our awards for excellence in political theater. This week, we'll look at the Republican winners; next week, we'll cover the Dems.





Best Sidekick


Mike Huckabee took this one in a runaway with Chuck Norris. You could see Chuck (and his foxy wife) just over Huck's shoulder every time he spoke. Huckabee's subliminal message: "If you think Dick Cheney scares the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of the world, just imagine a Chuck Norris vice presidency."





Best Play for Youth


John McCain proved that he's hip to the groovy scene one day when he sang a song by some band of whippersnappers called the Beach Boys. The punchline? He ad-libbed his own hilarious lyrics: "Bomb, bomb, bomb / Bomb, bomb Iran." That'll cinch the youth vote for sure.





Best High-Concept Strategy


Use "9/11" at least twice in every sentence, don't actually stage a campaign in any states for the first month and then blame the media when you lose. Dang that Rudy Giuliani is clever! Political scientists will try to figure out what he was really up to for a generation or two.





Best Party Crasher


Ron Paul at any of the GOP debates where he was able to actually get past the bouncers. He had the gall to argue against war and for fiscal discipline. Didn't he get the talking points? Articulating the obvious just isn't on the GOP agenda in '08.





Best Special Effects


Mitt Romney for the use of such lifelike robots to stand in for his family -- amazing! The only way you could really tell was that they were just too perfect. And a special achievement award in makeup goes to whoever did his hair and tan.
  • Pin It

Latest in Comment

  • American Fabric
  • American Fabric

    Racism is alive and well in our symbols and society
    • Jul 1, 2015
  • America's Yin and Yang
  • America's Yin and Yang

    Publisher's Note
    • Jul 1, 2015
  • After Charleston
  • After Charleston

    Taking down the Confederate flag is a good start, but overcoming centuries of suppression won't be that easy
    • Jul 1, 2015
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Today | Sat | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu

All of today's events | Staff Picks

More by n/a

  • Iron Upgrade
  • Iron Upgrade

    The new one is smart and funny and action-packed, and it’s bigger and better and sleeker. And Downey does it again, this time ramping up Stark’s arrogant wisecracking, telling anyone who’ll listen (mostly women) that, via the creation of his powerful Iron Man suit, he’s brought years of uninterrupted peace to the world.
    • May 12, 2010
  • Seeing Gay
  • Seeing Gay

    A festival showing GLBT from all angles
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • Get Out the Vote
  • Get Out the Vote

    With all the uncertainty in the world these days, hot wings and cold beer are two things we can get behind
    • Nov 9, 2009
  • More »

Most Commented On

  • The Rachel We Knew

    EDITOR'S NOTE: How Rachel Dolezal came to write for the Inlander
    • Jun 18, 2015
  • The Real Rachel Dolezal

    The story goes far beyond just a white woman portraying herself as black
    • Jun 17, 2015
  • More »

© 2015 Inlander
Website powered by Foundation