TWITTER
A spoof of the bestselling mommy porn of a similar name, 50 Sheds of Gray is an unholy melding of social media, bondage, and the hardware store. Don’t take my word for it. Consider this tweet:
“‘Harder,’ she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, ‘Harder!’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?’”
Or:
“She gazed up at me wide-eyed from the shed floor and bit her lip seductively. Unfortunately it was her top lip so she looked like a piranha.”
Now, doesn’t that turn you on?
BOOK
There’s plenty of books about Africa that are depressing yarns of mass murder, Western meddling and abundant tragedy. But hang on just a minute. The continent’s got more than that, as author Rick Bass will tell you in his new book
The Black Rhinos of Nambia. Set in the desert of the southwest African country, Bass’s journey to find the rare black rhino is full of his observations of the country’s stark beauty. The only thing better than reading this book is going there yourself.
BEVERAGE
One never forgets the first time he or she locks eyes with a bottle of Venom Energy. Nor will they forget the first time one of its four flavors — be it Death Adder, Black Mamba, Mojave Rattler or Killer Taipan — makes its way down your gullet. Your veins will course with the strength of 10 men, and your brain will have the power to tackle the complete works of James Joyce in one afternoon. If Venom and coffee were professional wrestlers, Venom would pick coffee up, body slam it off the top of a ladder, through a collapsible table and onto a pile of tacks. Frankly, it’s the only way some people at this newspaper get any work done.
