Opening Films

By n/a

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by Inlander Staff & r & & r & The Da Vinci Code -- If there's one thing we like more than sadomasochistic arch-conservative albino assassins, it's sadomasochistic arch-conservative albino assassins trying to cover up Christianity's darkest secret: that Jesus and Mary Magdalene made babies together. Such a bizarre and wonderful coincidence, then, that Dan Brown would write almost that exact book and Ron Howard (breaking from his usual routine of edgeless heartstring-tuggers) would direct the screen adaptation. Rated PG-13

Over the Hedge -- There are so many computer-generated animals on studios' slates this year, it's almost unbelievable. Over the Hedge has a genuine chance of being the best of this breed, though that's not saying very much at all. As unspoiled Mother Earth is bulldozed to make way for suburban sprawl, woodland creatures must survive by, you know, stealing from the humans. Think of it as an anthropomorphized National Geographic special. Rated PG

See No Evil -- Hey, a horror movie with super sweet World Wrestling Entertainment tie-ins! No wait, WWE actually made this movie. So it's synergy then. See psycho wrestler Kain play a psycho serial killer named... who cares? He's a wrestler. If you like wrestlers, you'll probably like this. He kills some kids who break into an abandoned house to, you know, drink, do drugs and have sex. Haven't we seen that movie before? Can't quite put our fingers on it. Rated R