I SAW YOU
Dwight Merkel Dog Park: I saw you... Dwight Merkel complex almost a few times a week. Usually evenings. You're walking your dog alone. Big dog, some type of hypoallergenic poodle mix. Think you called her Ruby once. Maybe not. My dog insists on smelling yours. I think Ruby, if that's her name, has a good-looking dad, and I'd like to say hello and that you're cute and hoping also single! If this sounds like you, send a pic of you and your dog to firstname.lastname@example.org
My Man of Steel: To the hunk at Spokane Valley Fitness Center every day. I'm not sure the gym has enough weight for you and with those LuLu Lemon shorts you were wearing, they may just need to put out a wet floor sign. With everything you lift every day, why haven't you ever tried to pick me up?
Hipster Bar Bartender: From the moment you walked in the door, I knew you are my kinda people. You bought a nectar collector, and your name started with an S. Super cute, you collect toys, and I showed you my newest creation/toy. Email me @ email@example.com if you'd like to get to know me.
I Get It: You: going north on the right hand side of north standard in your black extended cab pickup. Me: riding my bike south down the right side of the road. You just couldn't wait for our meet cute to begin. You rushed through the intersection near Garry Middle School and jumped from the right to the left side to sweep me off the street. Maybe it was my headlamp in your eyes or maybe it was the six-foot blind spot in front of your hood, but when I blew a soft kiss your way, you didn't respond. Before I could get your name and tell you all the things that I've been dreaming of, you were gone. I guess it was all a big joke. It's OK, though because I get it now. It's funny because it's attempted murder.
I Saw You Again: I saw you, and against my better judgment went with you and heard you talk, and we had fun again; but when you left back to the valley, I fell in love with you again, and we talk but you're so stuck on the past and you believe so many lies and some of the things you think about me are so bad and so far off anything real I barely believe you can agree that it's even possible. I've only ever loved you and somehow you have led yourself to use this belief against me and for your compromises in life so I'm still so much in love with you and confused?
Thank You: To Kendall Yards Residents: Thank you for not ignoring the homeless. For recognizing our humanity. For smiles and hellos. For seeing a need and putting in a porta potty. Bless you all.
Motorcycles and Four-wheelers: Tonight on my WALK on the Centennial Trail through Kendall Yards — LITERALLY (LOL!!!!) at the Inlander office — I almost got mowed down by two motorcycles and a four-wheeler on the trail! I've written about the speeding bikes (15 mph limit —again lol!!) that use the paved trail as a "Velodrome," weaving in and out of pedestrians who are taking their lives in their hands to walk. However, the Inlander has STEADFASTLY REFUSED to include those submissions of concern in the weekly rag. Not PC to talk about loss of life because of a speeding bicycle. After all, Bikes = Good. No matter WHAT they are doing. When the last small business closes down in this city if it's up to the short sighted Citizens at least we'll have 81 MILLION Dollars worth of Bike paths. OH! MORE places for motorcycles and four-wheelers to ride! Pedestrians? Watch out!!!
Cathy McMorris Rogers: You and your party have been lecturing us on the horrible burden Social Security and Medicare are to our country. You whine constantly about any social program that helps people in need. However, it is perfectly OK with you to shit 2.6 TRILLION dollars of our national treasure down the drain on a God Forsaken War for 20 YEARS. That is 3 MILLION dollars every damned day. 2.6 trillion...$2,600,000,000,000.00.....that's a lot of zeros, Cathy. Your party got us into this stupid war, and you were OK with all the waste it created, so I don't want to hear one damned word about Social Security going broke again...GOT THAT? You and the American Taliban (REPUBLICANS) can go to hell!
County Commissioners Ignore Roads: Worst road maintenance in the state. Washboard roads are beyond belief. Calling 477-3600 to report terrible road conditions gets nowhere. The road crews must be doing 'yeoman's work if you ask Al "Washboard" French. Vehicles are taking beatings, and it's a disgrace and an embarrassment to have guests from out of state. Consider your vote in November.
Mask Your Booty!!! So I go into store with no mask and was quickly told to put one on by a teenage girl with no bra wearing a white wife beater with your nipples sticking out. Also your pants were so low that I could see your butt crack when you turned around. Shouldn't you focus on the basics like wearing a bra and put some underwear? I believe more nastiness comes from your butt than your mouth...just saying.
Blame, Blame, Blame: To everyone who keeps blaming non mask wearers, and those who keep blaming people who haven't been vaccinated, do yourself a favor, and stop watching Cuomo and Lemon and MSNBC. I have taken the mask wearing very seriously, still do. I most certainly stay away from people, and make sure people don't get too close to me. I will be 50 in a few months; my mommy taught me the importance of hand washing some 45 years ago. I am fully vaccinated, and guess what? I still got infected with COVID! And then there are those who say, "if you don't vaccinate, then you have no business going to the hospital." Really? By that logic, the same thing should be said to those who eat saturated fats, processed foods, go through the fast food drive-thru multiple times a week, get zero exercise. Hey, you have diabetes, bad heart, need help putting your shoes on and wiping your own butt, that's your fault. Heart attack? Too bad. You should have known better.
Owning the Libs: As the anti-vaxxer, anti-maskers who lie intubated fighting for their life in the ICU suffer from COVID-19, I wonder how many of them are thinking about how they really owned the libs. Id-i-ot-ic!!!
Opinionated Vaccine Postings: Jeers to the pro-vaccine and anti-vaccine opinions. It seems like increasingly those who have the strongest opinions have no education or experience in the fields of infectious disease, public health or immunology. So, why don't you focus on anything that you actually know something about? Reading/watching the opinions of others and rehashing it doesn't make you an expert. It just makes you a foolish parrot. Leave the opinions to those with the education and experience to actually know what they're talking about. Instead, maybe you can write a treatise on a subject you know well: The best way to retrieve lint from the belly button. Here is the answer in advance to your pathetic driveling rebuttal. "Duh!"
Power Tool Guy on West Eighth: Hey guy on W 8th Ave who uses loud power tools every single weekend: You are forever robbing us of pleasant weekends! No nice walks, no breeze through our windows... just loud sawing/grinding all the time from you! WE HATE YOU! Sincerely, all of your neighbors. ♦