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Borowitz Report 

By Andy Borowitz & r & & r & ANGRY GOO SELLERS MARCH ON WASHINGTON, D.C. & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & T & lt;/span & wo months after the Federal Aviation Administration instituted tough new restrictions on liquids and gels on all domestic flights, traveling liquid and gel salespeople marched on Washington en masse today to protest the FAA's action.

The National Association of Traveling Liquid and Gel Salespeople, a group which represents over 150,000 of the nation's itinerant goo sellers, organized today's march, which began at the Capitol building and ended in front of the White House.

Carol Foyler, the executive director of the liquid and gel salespeople's group, said that her association's members were being "unfairly profiled" by the FAA and had every intention of making the "oppressive" regulations a key issue in the midterm elections.

"Liquid and gel salespeople are what made this country great," Ms. Foyler said. "America's laborers built the railroad, but it was our moisturizers and hand creams that kept their skin supple and radiant."

While spirits were high among the marchers who gathered for the Washington protest, there was no escaping the fact that these are tough times for the nation's traveling liquid and gel salespeople.

Davis Klujian, who became a liquid and gel salesperson shortly before the new FAA rules were put into effect, calls his career move "an example of totally sucky timing" that he now regrets.

"I had only been selling liquids and gels for two weeks before this came down," Mr. Klujian said. "Before that, I was a sharp metal object salesman."

Elsewhere, the White House urged reporters "not to read anything into" Dick Cheney inviting former Rep. Mark Foley on a hunting trip.

& r &

& & For more fake news from award-winning humorist Andy Borowitz, check out the & lt;a href="" & Borowitz Report & lt;/a & & & .

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