Borowitz Report

by ANDY BOROWITZ & r & & r & MCCAIN OFFERS BEER TAX RELIEF PLAN & r & & r & & lt;span class= "dropcap " & P & lt;/span & resumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain unveiled details of his economic policy today, telling an audience in Ohio that if elected he would support a real estate tax holiday for beer heiresses.





Sen. McCain said that his tax holiday plan could lead to a revival for the U.S. economy, arguing, "The key to this country's economic well-being has been and will always be those Americans with vast inherited brewery wealth." The Arizona senator took great pains to indicate that the tax holiday would not be available to all brewery heiresses, "Just those with a net worth of over 100 million dollars."





Mr. McCain's real estate tax holiday proposal came on the heels of the news that his wife, presumptive First Lady nominee Cindy McCain, had failed to pay real estate taxes on her La Jolla, Calif., home for four years. But Sen. McCain was quick to dismiss speculation that his real estate tax holiday proposal was intended to help his wife, adding, "Anyone who is serious about fixing the U.S. economy would start with the engine of that economy, which as everyone knows is brewery heiresses."





Standing at Sen. McCain's side during his appearance, Mrs. McCain endorsed the real estate tax holiday and offered an explanation for her failure to pay four years' worth of real estate taxes. "I guess it slipped my mind," she said. "Quite frankly, I've been busy coming up with totally original recipes for my Website."





Elsewhere, the state of New Jersey banned capital punishment, arguing that living in New Jersey was bad enough.