Your Uncle "Militia" Mike and your Aunt Tifa have always had a bit of an opposites-attract thing going on. But this summer the tensions between the two escalated, what with your aunt calling your uncle a "bastard cop" after he started guarding the fridge with his AR-15, claiming he was protecting the last piece of cheesecake from "looters."
So what do you get the folks on the radical right and the radical left in your life?
GUN SAFETY CLASSES
For all your Uncle Militia loves his guns, sometimes you wonder if he's equally passionate about gun safety. It bothers you, for example, about that time he pulled out his unlicensed gun during a road rage incident, and the way that he sometimes gestures at you with the barrel for emphasis. Fortunately, gun ranges like Sharp Shooting offer classes on topics like "Handgun Safety & Marksmanship" and "Firearms Ownership And You" where your uncle can not only learn some trigger discipline, but also important legal facts like the concept that Washington state law lets you use your gun to protect lives, but not property. $65 to $120 • Sharp Shooting Indoor Range & Gun Shop • 1200 N Freya Way
"DON'T TREAD ON ME"
AND "THIN BLUE LINE" FLAGS
Your Uncle Militia loves his flags as much as he loves his guns. Only a "Don't Tread on Me" Gadsden flag can capture his utter contempt and distrust of governmental authority. And only a pro-cop "Thin Blue Line" flag can capture Uncle Militia's unabashed love and unconditional defense of governmental authority. After all, he already flies the US flag on the same flagpole that he flies the symbol of an army of traitors that attacked the United States. The man already contains multitudes. A few more multitudes won't hurt. $25 to $35 • Uncle Sam's Flag and Gifts • 14109 E Sprague Ave, Suite 7A
SECRET HITLER OR GUILLOTINE
If there's one thing your Aunt Tifa loves to do, it's accuse people of being Hitler. Secret Hitler is an Among Us-style board game about doing exactly that, as your team of antifascists try to root out the Hitlers among you. If you can't find it locally, swing by Uncle's to pick up Guillotine, in recognition of your Aunt Tifa's love of the French Revolution, that time when the people rose up to overthrow the elite and surely everything worked out and nothing bad happened. Guillotine is all about collecting a bunch of, uh, severed human heads. Good clean fun for the whole family. $14.99 (for Guillotine) • Uncle's Games • 404 W Main Ave.
NON-MOLOTOV COCKTAIL KIT
Your Aunt Tifa looooves herself some cocktails. Unfortunately, the only cocktail recipe she knows involves a liter of gasoline, a rag and a match. Help her diversify her tastes with a cocktail kit from Wooden City. Pick from a wide range that includes Vesper Martinis to Old Fashioneds to Negroni to the blackberry-infused "bramble." Mix and match four bottled cocktails that, if they don't set the world on fire, will at least make for a pretty amazing night. $40 • Wooden City • 821 W Riverside Ave. ♦