I'm going to not beat around the bush here. Yes, I did in fact try weed lube. It was a hoot and I'll be using it again. When I say "hoot," I really mean something more along the lines of "sex life changing in every way."
Weed lube is a bit of a misnomer. What's you're actually looking at is THC-infused sensual oil that works a lot like an edible for a variety of mucus membranes (wink wink). Like an edible, you apply this elixir of high heaven about 20-45 minutes before The Main Event. And ooh baby, it transforms The Main Event from "oh hey let's roll around for a bit and then shake hands and be done" to "every nerve ending is alive and this O is clocking in at 9 minutes and it still hasn't stopped." Talk about a happy Valentine's Day.
SATIN SHEETS + FREEZER
Don't actually get your loved one a freezer. Get them a set of satin sheets and then put those bad boys in the freezer. Don't be weird and just crumple them up next to the frozen pizzas; make sure your sheets are in some sort of bag or container. Bump the temperature up in your house to around 80. Then hang out for a bit, smoke a bowl, let your house warm up and let those sheets get frosty.
One of the coolest sensations I have ever experienced while under the influence was the aforementioned chilled, silky sheet and balmy house combination. I, too, thought my boyfriend was absolutely batshit when he returned from the freezer with sheets instead of something reasonable like ice cream or frozen corn dogs. But set aside the judgement and give this a shot. Plus, new sheets!
HIGH COUPLE'S MASSAGE
Get a nice body high going with your significant other, hop in an Uber, and lay down for a hot stone couples massage. Why hot stone? As we talked about above, the heat + cold thing feels absolutely transcendent with the right high. Except this heat + cold thing might sit a little better with you than shoving laundry in your fridge.
Several personal tips for this date night. First, make sure to hydrate. I know, duh. When I went, I was a little too high to remember to drink enough water. Valentine's Day is about getting down with your loved one, not getting down on the bathroom floor with nausea and an upset tum-tum. Save the munchies for after your massage, not beforehand. Again, nausea.
Next, don't get too high. I also made the mistake of smoking too much, then getting too relaxed, and sadly passing out for half of the massage.
Also consider an in-home masseuse who can put up with your stoned asses versus trekking out to a fancy-pants spa. I would also recommend telling the masseuse that you're here for a good high and good feels only; an intense, painful deep-tissue therapy session is probably not what you're aiming for on the holiest of V-Days.
CHOCOLATE EDIBLE DESSERT TRANSFORMATION
Chocolate edibles are a pretty derivative choice for a Valentine's Day present. But wait! Elevate yourself a level above the common plebes who only get their loved ones chocolates this year. Prepare a tasting menu of weed chocolate items transformed into a tasty desserts. Flaunt your cooking skills!
- Example 1: Junk marshmallow bon bon, but turned into a smore, and paired with hot chocolate
- Example 2: Wyld peach white chocolate, but crumbled up and served over peach sorbet
- Example 3: Leif Goods chocolate bar, but melted and drizzled over strawberries
Very obviously, please make sure to dose yourself accordingly. Avoid the "well, just one more won't hurt" phenomena by making additional non-medicated snacks to munch on alongside your weed-infused ones. ♦