Light my Summer Night?: You: Flaming red hair as bright as the wagon on Centennial Trail. I see you running every morning by the carousel. Me: Team captain that's been admiring you from afar. Light my Quaker fire?

Spotted Prince: I saw you from afar at the Creed concert. Your short, brilliant, fiery hair made my knees weak and took all my confidence away. Never had I seen a man fill jean shorts so perfectly. Your lack of any sort of rhythm was well overcome by an endless sea of freckles. Come and take me higher, my spotted prince.

Spicy Numbers Man: You have been in my organization's conference room all week with two of your co-workers. Every day I have walked by and looked in to see what you were up to, lingering just a minute or two, hoping you would look up and notice me. I asked around and you have been looking at our company's financials, making sure all our numbers are in order and accounted for. I bet you could do a number on me, not that you haven't already... I am shy and did not have the courage to approach you. This Friday I stopped at the conference room window, hoping for one last chance to see you. I noticed you were working hard on your computer. I assumed you were engrossed in a complicated matter, as you furrowed your brow and didn't look up once for a solid 3 minutes, fingers flying on your ten-key. I got chills watching you, so focused and determined! And then it happened, you looked up from your screen and noticed me. We locked eyes, and I gave you a smile. You gazed back with a blank stare, as I imagine you didn't want your co-workers to see how excited you were. Oh, what a professional! As you looked at me with your feigned puzzled look, I new we were sharing a moment of ecstasy together. Then one of your colleagues stole your attention, and I retreated, sullen, to my desk. I couldn't contain my emotion, so I had to pour out my soul here. If you are somehow reading this, then it is a sign we were meant to be together! Post here if you are interested, I know you are ;). Sincerely, Your Dearest Admirer

Split Shorts that made my head turn I was biking: You were running by. Red hair in the wind. Shorts split down the side. Your pale legs glistening in the August heat. I hadn't seen you in years but you just pranced by. Goodbye brown eyed guy. Run like the wind.

ASL in Airway Heights: You were in a white car, and I was the fat guy walking near the gas station wearing a beat up old wolf shirt. You stopped when I let you pass, and I couldn't hear (because I am actually losing my hearing, I haven't lost it 100% though, I hear bits and pieces) you talking. I started to sign to show you I couldn't hear you, and to my surprise you signed back! I understood some of what you were signing, but I am just learning ASL, I am sorry to have disappointed you! If there was time, I'd have told you to pull over so I could have signed this to you. I am not sure who you were looking for, but I hope this provides you some clarity why I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I'm learning still, but it's getting easier. If you see me around town, don't be afraid to say hi. Love to have more friends that know ASL.

Hot for Ginger: You were a blur of flowing ginger hair and nearly translucent pale skin as you passed me on my run. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes you stirred my metallic heart. I hope you weren't turned off by my halting, robotic gait, I can change I promise. I am up for anything, extensive travel, IPAs and job searching are my favorite hobbies.

Ponytailed Mom with Glasses: I've seen you a couple of times at one of the coffee shops up by Wandermere. This last time you were wearing a grey sweatshirt. I don't have the nerve to approach you directly but maybe you'll see this and be interested in having a glass of wine? You can find me over in the CL missed connections :).

HANDSOME MAILMAN Friday 8/24: we locked eyes as you smiled and drove by near Valley Mall. I walked by and said "hi" but was too shy to say anything else. I was walking my dogs and was wearing a pink top. I hope I get the chance to have a convo with you and maybe drinks. My treat. Email: with a picture to confirm it's you :)

It's in Print Now, BB: Bet you thought I was kidding, but here it is, Mr. David. You've quickly become one of my favorite humans and I just adore you. I like to think you feel the same. You're gonna get that 4.0 (if we don't play Switch too much), I know it. You know why? Because you are super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot. Mwuah. smol girl

Cool Samaritans: Thank you to everyone who helped us when we broke down on Nevada on our way home from camping: the man who stopped as soon as we did, the two women who hurried over to offer the use of their cell phones, the landscaper from Idaho who towed our truck and camper to a safe spot, the cops who stopped to make sure we were OK and pointed out the shadiest spot to wait, the guy flying the Navy flag who came out and invited us inside, and of course Papa Tony — you all demonstrated that even on the hottest day of the year, people around here are the coolest!

Life Skills 101: For all of you who seem to find it necessary to spit on the sidewalk, please remember we walk over your body fluid and then walk on the floors and carpets in our homes. This is where our babies are crawling on the floor and children play with their toys. You may think, "Well, take off your shoes," but we also walk our pets and service animals. We surely can't remove their feet. No, the responsibility rests with you. Please just stop spitting on the sidewalk. Use a bandanna for what they were actually made for or use the curb. This is more than a decency issue, it is a health issue. They banned spittoons in 1918 because it was a health hazard. They found out it spread the flu. While we are at it, when did it become OK to put your dirty feet on the seats of buses or even public seats in general? I wear business clothes and pay good money for them. I sure don't want the dirt from the street (and spit) on my clothes. I know one thing, if the bus system doesn't do something to enforce some general etiquette principles, they are going to lose commuters. I for one am getting tired of it.

Pulled Pork Dunker: I was at a beer festival for a bachelorette. While drunkenly staggering around, you decided to dunk a whole pulled pork sandwich in my beer. Then you turned around and denied ever committing the crime. At least buy a new beer next time you ruin someone's fun. You looked like a Bob.

So you don't like Geysers?!?!: I'm not sure what the red headed beefcake who rained on my geyser parade has against geology. Or fun. But get over it. When I'm in geyser territory I mean business. Jeers to you for not appreciating the natural wonders of nature. ♦

Present Laughter @ Spokane Civic Theatre

Thursdays-Sundays. Continues through Feb. 2
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