I Saw You

Week of March 28


Basketball Team: To the lady who I had kindly told we could not seat your group of 15 basketball girls and all of your family last night but yet you came in anyways and demanded to get a table. I was kind enough to split up your group to fit into smaller tables but yet that wasn't enough for you and you clearly did not notice the extra 30+ people in our restaurant also waiting for a table PATIENTLY. It would be rude to say I wish you had gotten food poison but you sure made every one of our employees dislike you very, very much.

My Friend, missing you! Jeff P. my friend, it has been a long time, a lot has happened in my life but there is Two things I want you to know, 1: that I still think about you all the time, and there are time I wish I could go back in time and change things, the 2nd thing I want to tell you: I need to do face to face, it is the type of thing you don't do like this. I have been trying to find you for the last 2+ years. Please stop by the Village Tavern in Airway Heights on a Thursday I will be there at 5:30 pm or email me at bellacoon66@gmail.com... not even sure you are still around or if you went back to the Seattle area to be around your family.

Tomato Street guy: I saw you at Tomato Street in Friday looking effortlessly dapper in that paisley and stripes combo. You were calm and at ease in that busy weekend start rush. I'd love to take you out to pasta sometime soon! You've got my number!

Cheap Eats on the Steps: I saw you enjoying some taco bell on the steps of Kendall Yards, overlooking the city. You were a vision in gray with neon sunglasses and your friend seemed really concerned about losing his hat. My 2 girlfriends and I were also enjoying the view and some cheap eats. They teased me when you complimented me. I loved your smile. Maybe I will see you around soon?.


13 year flipper: Cheers to the off duty firefighter that flipped me off after I flipped him off: I just wanted to say i didnt know you were a firefighter and I'm sorry for doing that and thanks for your service.


Anti-choice protestors: Shame on all of you! Seeing so many people gathered in favor of abortion abolition is sickening. There were well over 100 people there encouraged to harass people seeking medical care, outside of a clinic that doesn't even perform abortions! I am so glad there is a fundraiser to match your presence in donations to the very organization you oppose.

Re: WHAT THE HECK: Dear not from Spokane: Sad our EVERGREEN trees are getting in the way of your nature-not-wanted photos. The best advise this little Spokanite can offer you, and all "transplants" to the area like you. Please feel free to return to a place where starbucks customers dress in ridiculously priced garb. Or from whenceforthever you came. We like it simple here.

Re: WHAT THE HECK: Normally I'd say welcome to Spokane. You, however, are more than welcome to get out.

RE: WHAT THE HECK: In response to the person who sold their Southern California "mini mansion" to come here and complain about our home town, GO HOME! You are no longer in the land of superficiality. Real people live here. We pack guns, drive trucks and prefer the opposite sex. Your disgust at our lifestyle is a big red flag telling you to GET OUT! We don't want you!!!!

RE: WHAT THE HECK: Sorry to read that you find the Spokane area so distasteful. It could be worse. You could've moved to northern Minnesota and gotten eaten alive by the mosquitoes so there's that. Since this area and its folks are seemingly so unpalatable to your rarified sophisticated taste(s) might we suggest you move back to SoCal and, when you get there, head straight to one of its many fine beaches and pound sand in your sanctimonious posterior! Good riddance and have a nice day!

Jeers to Voters: The top three 2020 presidential contenders: Trump, Biden and Sanders. All way too old, way to white and way to male. Come on voters! We can do better! And guess what? I am old, white and male.

Stay in your lane: Boo to a bike shop: You charged me too much for a simple tune up yet failed to fix my bike correctly.

LAST TRY at a submission: This is my last try at a submission and then I retire my attempts since the Inlander is obviously more interested in the same boring verbiage as always. This jeers goes out to that local company that owns apartment complexes that feels like foliage is too much to maintain, so removed it all and allowed resident complexes to have no protection from cold and wind. The same company allowed snow to sit in parking lots and stalls weeks on end, waiting for it to melt intead of removing it. The same a-holes allowed cars to stay parked in spots for months on end with expired plates without enforcing rules. Spokane police, please begin to patrol lots belonging to these corrupt owners and place tickets on those cars who have expired plates going back many months. Meanwhile, these scumbags continue to make money off their junky apartments without providing basic services inherent in rent. Example: A place to park.

Just Us: Having examined a previous act of Petty Officer X, not present in today's proceeding, I shall govern future thoughts as such: so much relies on precedence, hitherto fractured skulls a consequence of "talking sh*t". Sir(s): I hereby indulge with your greatness, a slice of heavenly want, in and for an articulation of clarity, of colour. I stand before our emperor, his glory, that chair: in the old dominions of Venus, Securitas, and Poena... with an eager subject who intends to express a need for continuance in time, for the purpose of a consideration of alternatives [authorization, or contempt]: Tarpeian Rock, a common departure point for ladies of the night with infection, have endured a similar fortune as discussed in your private chamber; yet for want of reason, I implore you to consider their permutations of civilian materiel which fostered their fate. Today, if military service would somehow create a just condition as a remedy for the contravention of misuse of a royal colour, this subject, your subject, is prepared to serve His Majesty at cost. In this court, you'll find a young mother who frets continuously in regards to the crime which has been committed by her only son. What they did was wrong, and with your guidance, help them see the light; with truth, and in love, and in all that is right and proper. As to this provocative lad, he sees hard times as incoming. Therefore, with your stewardship those times may prove to be didactive in nature... a white dove for us all to cherish. Thank you for your fine work, and your dedication and devotion to Emperor Caesar. Ciao e grazie. Gratias. ♦

Broken Mic @ Neato Burrito

Wednesdays, 6:30 p.m.
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