Pundemic Pals: You approached me at the N. Foothills Yokes parking lot on Thursday the 14th. You really liked my pun bumper sticker. I really liked your mask/Discover Pass/science-and-the-environment-are-important-to-me vibe. I pun-der if this is the beginning of a great friendship? NataliePortmanteau2020@gmail.com

Why a mistake? Is it that we're separated by age/gender? I'm not sure why there is this unspoken undercurrent which seems to have made us both anxious/uncomfortable. You are someone I'm fond of—someone I admire in the amiable sense of the word. Nothing ulterior on my end. I think we might have a great deal in common, including a general intensity of feeling. I also seek a connection, but never intended to cause any stress or worry. Things seem to have gotten confusing, and I'm not entirely sure why. Perhaps we misread one another? Sincerely, me.

Landing Soon! I was looking for my seat on the plane. Window seat. F7. I found it and as I looked down and there you were a guy my age. I couldn't get past you so I pointed to the window seat and mumbled "that's Me." You got up and said something I giggled slightly and scooted to the window seat. As you sat back down I got a little flustered. Man aren't seats on the plane a little too close for comfort? Especially for a stranger to sit near you? In this case... I didn't mind. I kept glancing sideways, hoping not to get caught, just to get a better look at you. I couldn't see much of your face. You had a "face covering" per airline request. Our flight was 3 1/2 hours long. Sometimes our thighs would brush and sometimes we'd allow them to hold there for a little. Sometimes our arms brushed. Maybe I'm just imagining? Haha! You would make little remarks here and there. I was so shy I would just turned pink and giggle slightly at whatever you said. I finally took out my book and started reading. I noticed you took out yours. We read in silence for a little. Finally I put my book down took out my phone to play a game of WordSearch. You took out your iPad to play a game of chess. At one point you left to the bathroom and when you came back your "face covering" was off. You had lips! Haha and they looked soft. What seemed to be forever, I put everything down and finally just closed my eyes as I lay my head back on the uncomfortable seat. I heard you put your iPad away. Finally you said something. I replied. A conversation started. We laughed. Talked about everything from work to where we are from. It was so nice! And easy! It almost seemed like I knew you and you knew Me. The last half hour of our flight. That's all we had. But I liked it. I enjoyed it. You went your way I went mine. But at least we are both from Washington! "Wink"

Grocery store checkout girl: You work in Liberty Lake as a sales clerk in an establishment I frequent at least once a week. And though awhile back I overheard you say to your co-worker "I really hate this guy" in reference to me. But to my recollection our only interactions have been brief, I try to be friendly and polite,although I'm rather shy. You must've seen the slanderous propaganda that's been ruining my life... sidetracked, sorry... YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL it almost hurts to look at you... and though I wrote this years ago; it may've well as been written for you, as you looked tonight: She struck me as familiar, all curve and strut and style; clad in obsidian like the dark waters of sleep, and we dream this dream to live again. I dared to briefly make eye contact with you as our paths crossed tonight... your friend told you to eat more bagels.


Movie star: I was mistaken for Sean Connery after you altered my appearance! Last we met in that place on 32nd Ave., I was tongue-tied and some drivel came out instead of asking, "how are you?" and "May I call you?" Now that the social distancing is nearing an end, honor me and respond to this cheezy ad... ;-)

UPS Princess Allie of Argonne: You work at the UPS Store on Argonne and you delayed your lunch break to help me with my ridiculous box I needed shipped. You were kind and professional and lovely. You're probably hella married, but if not, I really owe you dinner for your kindness.

I Saw ME: I saw me in the mirror in my house. Damn I look good but sigh, I'm so lonely. #quarantineblues

Silver Lining: My corona doldrums are ameliorated by: no lime scooters!


Nadine's mother's day kisses: Freud said, of the oral like me... we usually have something to say... especially if ... there is nothing tasty nearby... I declare, I have been... seriously provoked to make a statement ever since Nadine blew kisses in the air... I don't know how long the droplets will take ... to get to my estate ... but I leave writ... denying I ever wanted COVID from the mayor... to wit, I will, one day ... lose my breath ... but never would I choose... death... by idiot.

China's Leaders: The virus started in your backyard. You hid it from the world. Arrested doctors who tried to sound an alarm. Hoarded medical supplies. Exported faulty PPE. And now engage in aggressive hacking to steal vaccine secrets. Is there no end to your good deeds? We need toilet paper with the Chinese flag imprinted on each square. Sadly, probably cheaply made in China by your oppressed people. You commies suck. Hopefully your people figure out you are a bigger threat to them than Covid-19 and flush you down history's toilet... with China flag tp.

Re: Snitches: Really? Like Nazi Germany? No, that's super disrespectful. I get that getting businesses shutting down is hard and people have families to support but comparing people snitching on others as the same who ratted on Jewish people in hiding/in general is super disrespectful. Jewish (and others targeted by the Nazis) were rounded up and sent to death camps. People snitching on businesses is nothing like that, nobody is being shoveled into vans at gunpoint and taken to their deaths. There is a way of complaining about the snitching without dragging up a subject not related to it. People the Nazis targeted were snitched on and murdered, people who get snitched on for keeping a business open are in a bad situation I understand but it's not the same as Nazi Germany. Spoken from a member of family of Holocaust survivors.

Painting classes: The past two months I have enjoyed being creative at home, making beautiful art and enjoying the company of others remotely. I noticed that your prices went from $15 to $36 for the virtual classes. I know the economy is bad and businesses are struggling, but more than doubling your prices? No thanks.

Criminal Bars: Jeers to the Spokane Valley bars that opened illegally. What other laws do they think don't apply to them? What else is going on in there? For you clowns whimpering that there isn't a law, here it is. RCW 43.06.220. Then there's always some right wingers despicably politicizing it while people are losing livelihoods and lives. Blaming Inslee and Democrats. What about the Republican governors with similar orders? What about many other countries, some taking tougher measures? Are they all in it with the Democrats? I urge people to not reward these establishments with your hard earned dollars when there are law abiding businesses being good citizens, some helping the community, some providing meals to the police and first responders, supporting law enforcement. Trying to be part of the solution instead of the problem. But if you don't believe the laws apply to all then feel free to join in, visit one of these criminal establishments and ignore that inconvenient law requiring you to pay your tab and to not carve obscenities into their tables (note: not actual legal advice). We'll call it freedom from tyranny! ♦

Black Lives Matter Artist Grant Exhibition @ Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art WSU

Tuesdays-Saturdays. Continues through Dec. 18
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