I Saw You

Week of July 1


You Got Caught: To the pizza co-worker who likes to switch tags, if your antics at work leave others looking bad and costing the company money, do you really think you will continue to get away with it? YOU GOT CAUGHT TONIGHT, AND IF YOU DO IT AGAIN, I WILL NOT BE VENTING TO THE INLANDER. I may be new, but at least I am nice with sincerity, unlike your fake ass smiles.

Loser at the Gas Station: I saw some guy at the gas station that looked like a loser. You know who you are.

Handsome Man at the Car Wash: I was at the Coeur d'Alene Metro car wash when I saw you in your work pickup that had "Airway Service Inc." on the side. I don't know who you are, but you are very handsome and struck my attention. You had Texas plates, so hopefully by chance you run across this.


Hit with a Coconut: You saw me cooking dinner, and the strangest thing happened. A coconut bonked you on the noggin, and suddenly a sensational truth came to you. We loved each other. We can be really happy together. I still have the coconut you gave me after that night. I still love you, doubly so since then. Nikita, I want you to marry me, will ya? -C

Coming Out: Hi! I was a trainwreck of a comedian, a mediocre improviser with jokes about hooking up with dragons and being a polite schoolgirl. I podcasted, I tried to be undeniable and above all I loved the Spokane comedy scene. But I couldn't get anything to work, no matter what. When my mother passed, madness claimed me. I was trying like hell to burn all bridges and upset the right people enough to get hate crimed by local fascists. None of it worked. When I started playing nonbinary or cross-gender characters, I was facing the idea that I didn't really identify with masculinity. When I started playing the one I'm known for as "agender," I didn't realize I was testing the people around me for amenability to that sort of thing, and I was scared of all the people failing that test. So I went back to the weird edgelord routine until my mother passed and my family disowned me, and I just let insanity claim me. I didn't see any road back, nor a place I wanted to return to, and I genuinely thought my obit would include the words "senseless tragedy." But I'm here now, and I can't just keep sitting in the shadows waiting for old friends to notice me, so here I am with a message: I, the voice of Doctor Donut, the absent technical improviser, the embodiment of mania themselves... they are a trans she/her, and now I no longer have to lie about it and whatever that does to my reputation, so be it. I'm not afraid anymore, and I have nothing to lose. If you know me... come say hi!


Good Neighbors: Cheers to the folks at Barrister Winery and the Meals on Wheels for spending time, energy and supplies to pick up trash and abate the rampant graffiti along the alley outside their doors! Downtown's a neighborhood too — let's support businesses that treat it that way!

Thank You to the Woman at Home Depot: I didn't even catch your name, I'm sorry! But I am so grateful you helped me get that vanity home from Home Depot. I really appreciate your kindness, and will definitely pay it forward. :)

Dog Lover at Thomas Hammer: Thank you to the kind gentleman who stopped on his way into the Thomas Hammer parking lot on the South Hill to offer water and treats to our dog. For no other reason than his love of dogs. Cheers friend!


RE: Camping Fees Double for Washington Residents: As a wise man once said, "We (Washingtonians) will quit playing in Idaho when you (Idahoans) quit working in Washington." Daily thousand of residents of Idaho come to Washington to take advantage of higher wages and benefits. Maybe we should penalize them for using our highways and roads. Also when a Washington resident works in Idaho they are required to pay Idaho income tax even though they don't live there. Idaho please be fair with your camping fees.

A Missed Customer Service Opportunity: Jeers to a lighting store for their behavior over the return of an order from a good customer. From the time the order was placed, there was no customer follow-up. Part of the order was lost, no calls, no apologies, no notification when the order arrived at the store and when the order turned out to be the wrong size, only excuses. When I returned the product, I was treated coldly and again with no sign of apology on the horizon and, worse, no offer to see if a new order could be placed. Loss of a customer for good and a warning to others.

The City of Spokane & the SPD: Thank you for doing absolutely nothing to help the homeless and drug pandemic in Spokane right now. This morning, I watched a man use a rubber tourniquet, shoot up, then toss the used needle on the ground. He did this hiding behind a car that's been parked in the wrong direction for several weeks now. These are all things I report, but nothing is done. It's a public safety matter when there's used needles, drugs, human urine and feces in the same park kids are supposed to play in. #MakeBrownesCleanAgain

Jeers to a Failed System: Jeers to a failed court system. What happened to protecting DV survivors and abused children? I no longer question the amount of DV cases with sad endings in Spokane or abused children allowed unsupervised visits with their abuser. I have witnessed an extreme case in family court with multiple hearings completely fail after a hearing in Feb 2021. How can a father that was arrested/charged for felony (article 15) abuse against a child, a psychotherapy mental eval (proves abusive narcissist) and multiple counselors determined "no visits with children or supervised" have unsupervised and overnight visits? How does a judge just take the risk? Jeers to a very poor decision from a very poor judge that was never looking out for the safety or well-being of a child. This is a sad reality to why Spokane has more reoccurring domestic violence cases than any other county in Washington — it's the man behind the wooden box with a robe that has failed. Prayers that it's not another tragedy on the news because of a system that has failed again. ♦

Sunday Art Mart @ Downtown Spokane

Sundays, 12-4 p.m. Continues through Aug. 28
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