I Saw You

Week of July 8

I SAW YOU

Still thinking about our brief encounter: I saw you at Wal-Mart the one on Sprague. We both comment on our good-looking appearance. You were looking marvelous in the dress or the dress was looking marvelous on you, but I am still thinking about that moment. I was so taken away by your total beauty (I wish I could have seen your eyes hiding behind stylish sunglasses) that I paid your bill. I hope you see this and respond; I want to continue our encounter.

6/26/21, Ace hardware parking lot: You were very pretty with a great smile, and you drove a red Toyota Corolla (I think.) You came out of Ace hardware at Sullivan and Sprague on Saturday 6/26 as I was getting out of my truck, and you said, "Sorry I didn't park so well with the lines," and I said, "It's OK; they're only lines." I should have asked you out on the spot, but I did not.

Hit with a coconut: You saw me cooking dinner, and the strangest thing happened. A coconut bonked you on the noggin, and suddenly a sensational truth came to you. We loved each other. We can be really happy together. I still have the coconut you gave me after that night. I still love you, doubly so since then. Nikita, I want you to marry me, will ya? -C

Coming out: Hi! I was a trainwreck of a comedian, a mediocre improviser with jokes about hooking up with dragons and being a polite schoolgirl. I podcasted, I tried to be undeniable and above all I loved the Spokane comedy scene. But I couldn't get anything to work, no matter what. When my mother passed, madness claimed me. I was trying like hell to burn all bridges and upset the right people enough to get hate crimed by local fascists. None of it worked. When I started playing nonbinary or cross-gender characters, I was facing the idea that I didn't really identify with masculinity. When I started playing the one I'm known for as "agender," I didn't realize I was testing the people around me for amenability to that sort of thing, and I was scared of all the people failing that test. So I went back to the weird edgelord routine until my mother passed and my family disowned me, and I just let insanity claim me. I didn't see any road back, nor a place I wanted to return to, and I genuinely thought my obit would include the words "senseless tragedy." But I'm here now, and I can't just keep sitting in the shadows waiting for old friends to notice me, so here I am with a message: I, the voice of Doctor Donut, the absent technical improviser, the embodiment of mania themselves... they are a trans she/her, and now I no longer have to lie about it and whatever that does to my reputation, so be it. I'm not afraid anymore, and I have nothing to lose. If you know me... come say hi!

CHEERS

I saw you at Octapharma Plasma: I saw you at Octapharma Plasma saving lives! We appreciate every single one of you who comes in and donates plasma at our facility. It is people like you who are responsible for creating lifesaving therapeutics around the world and here at home. Every donation you make gives someone out there a better life. The plasma that is collected every day is used in so many great things from treating trauma to severe burns to mother/baby compatibility and so much more. You are making a difference every single day, and we couldn't do it with out you. I truly thank you for all you do!

Good neighbors: Cheers to the folks at Barrister Winery and the Meals on Wheels for spending time, energy and supplies to pick up trash and abate the rampant graffiti along the alley outside their doors! Downtown's a neighborhood too — let's support businesses that treat it that way!

JEERS

Avista priorities: Yes, we had heat wave that brought extra demands on Avista's power supply. One might ask if energy is being sold at this time to other regions of the country if we can't take of Spokane's needs? Why are the poor areas of Spokane so hard hit when many don't have the luxury of AC? Isn't the responsibility of a major supplier to meet and plan for all of the customers it serves?

But some are more equal than others: Jeers to the double standards (or complete lack of standards) of our county's Board of Health. A state employee deserves to be humiliated, traumatized and fired for speaking her mind on her own time, but SRHD board member Dr. Jason Kinley can publicly undermine public health and the regional COVID-19 response with no repercussions? Cool. Cool.

Poor business practice: Spokane restaurant: Look at your cameras in your parking lot at 6:00 pm Wednesday night. All those people are the ones that showed up and had reservations, but someone failed to call them ahead of time to inform them you had closed the day before for heat and power outage issues. That reasoning we can understand. What are the people in the lot doing? We are all scrambling to find somewhere else to eat when it would have been a common courtesy to call us ahead of time so we could have been forewarned. And, yes, you did take our phone number when we made the reservation weeks ago for a wedding anniversay.

Treasurer Office closed to public??? Jeers to the Treasurer Office! The very nature of a county employee at the courthouse is being a PUBLIC servant!!! How can they be CLOSED to the PUBLIC??? But COVID!!! Red Alert on the BS meter!!! Jeers Spokane County Courthouse is a complete SH*T show... The level of disorganization is palpable and astounding!!! It's as if every employee that works there assumes that every citizen walks into the place and joins the BORG information collective and now knows exactly the ins and outs and locations and forms!!! If you are in the know and have experienced this wild ride, you might be saying to yourself...but dear citizen there is an information window right when you walk in!! No one is ever there!!!

Missed customer service opportunity: Jeers to a lighting store for their behavior over the return of an order from a good customer. From the time the order was placed, there was no customer follow-up. Part of the order was lost, no calls, no apologies, no notification when the order arrived at the store and when the order turned out to be the wrong size, only excuses. When I returned the product, I was treated coldly and again with no sign of apology on the horizon and, worse, no offer to see if a new order could be placed. Loss of a customer for good and a warning to others. ♦

Follow the River: Portraits of the Columbia Plateau @ Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art WSU

Tuesdays-Saturdays. Continues through Aug. 7
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