I SAW YOU
Dwight Merkel Dog Park: I saw you... Dwight Merkel complex almost a few times a week. Usually evenings. You're walking your dog alone. Big dog, some type of hypoallergenic poodle mix. Think you called her Ruby once. Maybe not. My dog insists on smelling yours. I think Ruby, if that's her name, has a good-looking dad, and I'd like to say hello and that you're cute and hoping also single! If this sounds like you, send a pic of you and your dog to email@example.com
My Man of Steel: To the hunk at Spokane Valley Fitness Center every day. I'm not sure the gym has enough weight for you and with those LuLu Lemon shorts you were wearing, they may just need to put out a wet floor sign. With everything you lift every day, why haven't you ever tried to pick me up?
Hipster Bar Bartender: From the moment you walked in the door, I knew you are my kinda people. You bought a nectar collector, and your name started with an S. Super cute, you collect toys, and I showed you my newest creation/toy. Email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org if you'd like to get to know me.
I Get It: You: going north on the right hand side of north standard in your black extended cab pickup. Me: riding my bike south down the right side of the road. You just couldn't wait for our meet cute to begin. You rushed through the intersection near Garry Middle School and jumped from the right to the left side to sweep me off the street. Maybe it was my headlamp in your eyes or maybe it was the six-foot blind spot in front of your hood, but when I blew a soft kiss your way, you didn't respond. Before I could get your name and tell you all the things that I've been dreaming of, you were gone. I guess it was all a big joke. It's OK, though because I get it now. It's funny because it's attempted murder.
I Saw You Again: I saw you, and against my better judgment went with you and heard you talk, and we had fun again; but when you left back to the valley, I fell in love with you again, and we talk but you're so stuck on the past and you believe so many lies and some of the things you think about me are so bad and so far off anything real I barely believe you can agree that it's even possible. I've only ever loved you and somehow you have led yourself to use this belief against me and for your compromises in life so I'm still so much in love with you and confused?
Picnickers: Cheers to the couple in Corbin Park having a picnic, complete with chairs, table and tablecloth. #goals
Riverpark Square Security Guard or: Badass Queen Killing Her Job: To the employee working security (monitoring the parking garage) on Saturday Aug 21: Thank you for taking your job seriously. I felt so bad by defying your order to leave my vehicle behind as the parking garage had a small flood. I thought there wasn't much harm in retrieving my vehicle, but later thought about how I could have impeded the fire department from fixing the sprinkler. So, my sincerest apologies. I hope others were more respectful. Your job is likely a thankless one, and I feel terrible for adding to the thanklessness. Next time I'll listen (though I doubt I'll be parking in that, or any, parking garage from here on out. Turns out you don't want to be stuck in a concrete cave when disaster strikes).
Mask Mandate: For those who find great satisfaction in following me in a store telling me that our governor made masks a mandate again...to you, find a new hobby and/or pucker up and kiss my ass!!!
You Caused Emotional Torment as My Father Was Dying: Being on the autism spectrum is difficult. Anxiety, panic attacks, difficulty in dealing with everyday situations. As my father was dying you told me that my needs don't matter. I cringe every time I think of your ignorant face. You gave me a card at Dad's funeral. The go to hell card. "The wages of sin is death" shit. Fuck you. I regret ever knowing you. I regret that you played even a small part in my life.
Trump Supporters/COVID-19: Upon hearing today that Hoopfest has been canceled due to the surge of COVID-19 cases in Spokane & cities in Idaho, I ask, would the Trump supporters be more apt to have this lifesaving "shot" if they knew that Trump & his wife did have the COVID-19 shot, according to the NY Times, before they left the White House? The ignorance of these supporters is threatening our communities. Knowing that most right-wingers in Spokane feel threatened by the Inlander, they either don't pick "it" up or they read "it" where other right-wingers won't see them, I say this is not a political issue! The Inlander prints the news without bias. So if you have a conscience, let "it" stir you to have the shots.
MAGA Morons: Congratulations, MAGA morons...you did it again. First you shut down Pig Out in the Park and now you have successfully shut down Hoopfest. And next you will probably shut down the Fair. GOOD JOB, MORONS! Do you have any idea how many jobs and small businesses you are destroying? If you would just get the vaccine, all this would not be happening. You are going to shut the entire town down again, and for what? This virus can KILL you and anyone you come in contact with if you are infected. Why KILL yourself and people you supposedly care about when you could be KILLING the enemy...THE VIRUS! Just get the goddamned vaccine. How stupid can you be?
Owning The Libs: As the anti-vaxxer, anti-maskers who lie intubated fighting for their life in the ICU suffer from COVID-19, I wonder how many of them are thinking about how they really owned the libs. Id-i-ot-ic!!!
Opinionated Vaccine Postings: Jeers to the pro-vaccine and anti-vaccine opinions. It seems like increasingly those who have the strongest opinions have no education or experience in the fields of infectious disease, public health or immunology. So, why don't you focus on anything that you actually know something about? Reading/watching the opinions of others and rehashing it doesn't make you an expert. It just makes you a foolish parrot. Leave the opinions to those with the education and experience to actually know what they're talking about. Instead, maybe you can write a treatise on a subject you know well: The best way to retrieve lint from the belly button. Here is the answer in advance to your pathetic driveling rebuttal. "Duh!"
Guy with the Power Tools on W Eighth: Hey guy on W 8th Ave who uses loud power tools every single weekend: You are forever robbing us of pleasant weekends! No nice walks, no breeze through our windows... just loud sawing/grinding all the time from you! WE HATE YOU! Sincerely, all of your neighbors. ♦