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I Saw You 

Week of May 17

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PROPANE ALLEY: You were about to leave town to visit your mom for her birthday when i spotted your sexy face and asked for a ride to buy propane. Thank God you came to my rescue, and then we needed to be saved out of the 40 ft. Deep snow trap! That was a great way to make me spend the night with you! Do you use that one on every girl you meet?! All I can say now is you're my superhero, big mac daddy, and studmuffin for real and I absolutely adore you, you're amazing. Oh and I'll be seeing you!

I saw you in Yosemite: I saw you first on the Merced River, and at the time I didn't know what I was looking at. I knew you were a beautiful girl with a smile that could stop time and had a body made for summer, but there was no way I could have ever seen what was coming. Soon I was in love, and before I knew it I had a ring in my pocket waiting for the perfect moment. If this works like I hope it will, we are together reading this section like we've done a million times before, but this time I will turn to you and ask that you make me the luckiest man in the world. C, what do you think?

Blue Jeep Lady In my Neighborhood: I saw you, your friend and the beer go into the neighbor's house. Then I saw you while you were doing the burnout in front of my house a couple hours later as you were leaving, obviously intoxicated. Alas, you were gone before I could reach you, but do know I took photos of your license plate as well as your lovely and very distinctive Jeep as mementos. I will cherish them should we not meet again. Should I detect your presence again, also know that I will be arranging a police escort home for you each time I see you again, and I might have to disclose you're suspected of drinking and driving. It's the least I could do to make sure you arrive safely to you destination.

My One and Only Guacamole KVH - I saw you on October 25, 2015 at our first date for coffee. Didn't take long for me to be head-over-heels in love with you. Your sparkling eyes and captivating smile still melt me. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I look forward to many, many more years of weenie sammiches with mushrooms, clams and guacamole! Togedder Foredder Babe ~E~

Flying Goat, Wednesday, May 9: Your were wearing a turquoise shirt, sitting in the bar, having a beer with your buddy. I saw you, we made eye contact, and then a head nod. When I left you were driving a white truck and honked when I turned. I'd like to buy you a beer... spokaneman77@hotmail.com

I miss you I am sorry for how things ended: You were the best part of my life, and I still feel like a mess without you around. But I am doing okay now. Your new puppy is so cute, and I'm glad your sister is back in town. I hope nothing but the best for you. Thanks for a good almost four years, I loved you very much, and still do. From your old sweetie pie.

Handsome Mechanic in Lowered Audi: Thanks for stopping and helping me after my car over heated at a gas station. My faith in men had been fully destroyed that week after my long term relationship ended. Thanks for being charming even after my awkward high five. I was caught off guard by your kindness and good looks. Your good deed makes me smile every time I think about it and made me a little more optimistic about my future with men. I'm glad there are guys like you out there.

Consider myself lucky: "7.6 billion people in our world, today... You are my greatest friend. Odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 13,983,816. 543 times over, again, and over, and again. You: WSU. Me: EWU. You: Cougars. Me: Eagles.

Parking Lots for Health: Good ol' Group Health just north of the Red Lion at the Park always made their huge parking lot available for Bloomsday and Hoopfest to promote health. After a huge conglomerate gobbled up Group Health, a "No Event Parking" sign was put up for Bloomsday. Must be some missed internal communication. Please open your lot for Hoopfest. Could other downtown businesses do the same?

RE: DOCK TEACHERS' PAY: Dear Stupid Person: What a horribly typical, blundering, ignorant, windbag you are. Teachers are finally uniting nationwide and standing up to their greedy, right-wing, idiotic Republican state governments because they deserve a living wage, like any other career, while also being forced to pay out of their shallow pockets to make sure YOUR kids have all they need to be successful students, future members of society and world leaders. This often includes: basic classroom materials, instruments, books, and even food or clothing. Why don't you raise your stupid redneck ass off your FOX News couch and volunteer at a school (if you can pass the highly-intense background checks) or, better yet, enter the teaching field and see what it's like to plan, facilitate, engage, instruct, assess, mentor and collaborate with anywhere from 25 to 700 kids a week — YOUR kids — OUR kids; all of them with differing personalities, backgrounds, behaviors, and problems that you must carry upon your shoulders every day and night. Why don't you try to "babysit" all these kids, then turn to your government and tell those pathetic leaders that you're happy living on welfare, too, just to feed your family? No? Of course not! People like you are the reason why we have problem children, severe IEPs and school shooters. Your post to the Jeers only angers those of us who give a shit and who greatly appreciate all the services public education provides to our kids, our community, and society. Remember, without education, you would not have attained the skills to write the piece of crap you submitted last week. Furthermore: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THANK A TEACHER!

Antenna topper thief: To the jerk that stole my antenna topper shame on you! It was a very special Wienerschnitzel antenna topper that was glued to my antenna. The hot dog may seem silly which is why you probably wanted to take it and I would have been okay with it had you not bent my antenna. Eventually, Karma will find you. In the meantime I have to replace my antenna and I guess I need to find a new antenna topper thanks a lot

Spokane Valley Drivers: Hey guess what? You were not born driving - you had to LEARN. Just like my daughter is. Don't honk when she is making a complete stop at a four way intersection. Don't ride her bumper when she is driving the speed limit. Don't flip her off because she is driving legally. Don't pass on a double yellow line while eating Fritos in one hand and your phone to your ear in the other. Why not practice some patience and understanding? That student driver was your child, grandchild or niece at one point. YOU had to LEARN how to drive, too! We have 4 high schools in the Valley and therefore a large population of student drivers - remember that Spokane Valley drivers. ♦

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