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I Saw You 

Week of May 24

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Classical Woman You: Very attractive dark haired lady with glasses in balcony seat S12 in Fox Theater for Spokane Symphony performances. Me: tall older guy who once asked you if you'd like to sit in my row to avoid getting up from your seat to let others pass by. On Sunday 5-12 you said hello to me when you passed by, & I nodded to you. I wanted to chat you up during the intermission but I lost my nerve. Now there are no more concerts till September & no chance of meeting you again till then. I know that we both like classical music, & that we both go to these events alone. That's two things we already have in common. I think we'd both enjoy the concerts even more if we had a friend sitting next to us. Interested in opening a dialogue? E-mail me at: rostradamus@gmail.com

WM Hottie: I was driving east on Indiana in the valley, bright and early Monday (5/14) morning, white SUV. You were driving west on Indiana, you might be a redhead and you had a goatee - probably on your WM route - and as you passed me, you mouthed "Wow." You made me smile. And you made wonder what those tattooed arms look like under that uniform. I'll be watching for you WM hottie.

Wal-Mart checkstand 9 graveyard shift: You are the alt girl with long hair and glasses that works the graveyard shift at Wal-Mart off the Sunset Highway. I am the soft spoken guy with glasses a black hat, leather jacket, and goatee, that often comes through your line and has had to get a key flip the last two times I've been there... you are so beautiful. I have the biggest crush on you and if by the off chance that you are indeed single, which I doubt, would like the opportunity to get to know you in the setting of your choosing, and if you aren't single, then whomever you are with is very lucky, from what I gather you seem intelligent also which seems like a rare mix. Anyways you and the other graveyard shift checkstand 9 guy are both very cool people and it's always a pleasure to be cashed out by both of you. So either way, just know you're appreciated....

DEVOTED READER: You, a downtown shop manager, had to travel all the way to Hillyard to be seen, but you certainly made your presence known at the Great PNW's clothing release party. Nice meeting you... and, never, ever, I mean, never, stop reading.

Lilac Love: I saw you carrying, pushing, calming and singing to three adorable kiddos during the lilac parade. You were a vision in sage green and a symbol of effortless strength and compassion!

A good day made even better: Shadle Panda Express, Saturday, May 12th between 5 pm & 5:15 pm... You were the young man cashier at the checkout counter. You were very friendly and talkative with a genuine smile and warm personality. It had been quite awhile since I came across someone with such an uppity spirit. So it was nice to run across you. I was already having a great day. Your friendliness turned it into a great evening. So thanks, kiddo!

Well, that shut him up: So funny, my visiting friend from Portland was teasing me about "lame Spokane". He was suddenly made totally speechless when you drive by with a Blue beard driving a white hearse! All he could say was "surreal." I said "That's Spokane!"

Brawny Man and the Little Old Lady: Cheers to the brawny man in the 'f—- this game' T-shirt on Hamilton Thursday afternoon. You helped that little old grandma get her walker up the crosswalk, twice. She was weak and you lifted it with one hand. Your kindness did not go unnoticed. Cheers to your heart of f—-ing gold.

Never-ending hustle: Not one week after the landlady made you remove that over-the-top stupid muffler bypass, I see your piece of crap Nissan parked in a handicapped space downtown, with a blue wheelchair handicapped tag hanging from your mirror. Now, if we were talking about parking at Social Security, would I care? No, of course not. But you weren't parked at Social Security. Your car was sitting outside a bar. I have your number, I have your ass (whatever you want to call that muffler thing she made you dispose of), but kid, lemme tell you right now, you're never going to have a Malibu. What you're going to have is a shit reputation, for being That Guy - That Guy who can't walk 5 feet unassisted because he can't get clean. Now, if you had a legit reason for using that tag, please accept my apology... I doubt you'll be needing it.

Cars are expensive, flesh is fragile: Motorists of Spokane: As a distracted individual I often empathize with those who make mistakes in traffic. All of us could be more cautious behind the wheel, as cars are expensive and flesh is fragile. Downtown, Spokane Falls Blvd. travels west past Riverfront Park and takes a left wrapping around Riverpark Square. From there you encounter a light at an understandably intimidating intersection. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that EVERYDAY I almost get hit here. Just so I know it's in ink somewhere (since traffic signs are just for decoration), from the left lane you have the option to turn left onto Main to go past the mall or you can hang a wide right and put yourself on Main facing west like towards Peaceful Valley. The right lane however is for turning onto Monroe to cross the bridge. It is ONLY for the bridge. Too many confused and entitled drivers drift from the right lane to cut onto Main and unknowingly put my cute Hyundai in danger. Please, Spokane. I just wanna take my turn without watching for rogue cars. One of these days I'm just gonna let you run into me, and you'll have to meet irate and difficult lady with an expensive neck injury. Love, CarLy.

Docking teachers' pay reply: That's what I love about the left... such thoughtful, nonjudgmental human kindness (as long as you are on their side). "Typical"? "Blundering"? "Windbag"? The only windbag in the mix is you. If people don't want Republican state government then why is it in place? I am not a redneck nor am I ignorant. I don't believe I am a racist nor a white supremacist. I believe that limited government, as opposed to the "nanny-state," is the best way forward. What I don't understand is how this view means I am "the reason we have problem children, severe IEPs and school shooters." As far as "highly intense background checks" go, as a general rule I'll go out on a limb and suggest folks on the right politically are more likely to pass. So sue me.

Bad parade parenting: To the sweatpants-wearing slob lounging in front of Aunties. You responded in an unnecessarily rude manner to my mother when she gave the gentle suggestion that your uncontrolled children not run up to pet the horses in the parade. She cares a great deal about the welfare of all children... your response that they weren't her kids so it was none of her business? With irresponsible negligence like yours, it's everyone's business to call you out on it. ♦

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