I SAW YOU

Cute Little Nissan... I'm so incredibly shy and socially awkward... I asked if that was your cute little Nissan, but I should have just left a note with my number on it! (Near Holy Family, on a Wednesday). Was with a client and on duty, so I couldn't say much more than "nice Tool sticker." You are magnetic and very pretty! I Saw You! :) Hope life is treating you well!

Lost you: Along the path of what was supposed to be positive and bring us closer together I saw you slip away and into that snake's car. You said she was a mistake but she's in love with you and we are slipping back into what we tried to improve. Maybe she's meant to be. I saw you slip away and my heart breaks daily for not being good enough to please you.

CHEERS

Mr. Christmas Movie Man: Inlander: To whom I should submit this, I am not certain, but once you read some of these invites you'll laugh so hard you'll be hurtin'. You see, there once was a boy, rather we'll call him a man. He sent Christmas movie invites to all of his clan. These were no ordinary invitations, they were valued textual gifts; welcomed by the clan, describing the Christmas movie spiritual lifts. A movie marathon is indeed what ensued this season, where friends of all walks gathered to view and be reminded of The Reason. To tell you of the invitations that were sent to us all would not do it justice, you must see for yourself, feel free to bawl. From laughing so hard, yes that is what I mean, because these invites, you see, are everything. Please enjoy my dear friend's nature, he is one of the greatest people indeed, and to him Christmas is the most exciting time, so pay these texts ample heed. Merry Christmas one and all, I know I'm in the seasonal spirit, with extra thanks to my friend Ryan, his Christmas bell still rings; can you hear it? In all seriousness, I have a friend who sends weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) movie night invites to watch Christmas movies at his home. We have had an entire Christmas movie marathon, totaling around 20 (more or less) Christmas movies in these few short weeks. The invites are so ingenious I have looked at jobs I can get him at Amazon as a Content Writer of the sort (I work for Amazon). He is one of the most Christmas-obsessed people I know and he would be the perfect person to do some sort of Christmas exposè or highlight on. I'd love to send you some of the hilarious, witty and thoughtful evites he sends. People in our friend group have begun reading them to friends and coworkers outside of our movie night group and he has become a bit of a local celebrity. Please feel free to email me if you'd like some examples... Even if just to brighten your day and get a laugh or two from you and the people around you. They're worth it, I promise. Merry Christmas, and I wish you a wonderful rest of your 2019! -Lea Dilling

My ex mama mace: I miss you and I know you miss me too! I hope this holiday season is good to you and your lil stinky. Bless you for who you are and continue to strive to be! Any man could be so lucky to have you be his baby mama! Forever grateful for our time together! I'm sorry it didn't last forever but that's just how it goes, for now I suppose.

JEERS

That's not yours: Jeers to the kid in the Trentwood area, Adams Road who keeps messing with things in residents' yards. Yeah, I saw you throw a frozen snowball at that inflatable dragon. That stuff doesn't belong to you, and I'm sure you'd be angry if people came to your house and started messing with your things. I called you out, but I doubt that had any effect. You seem like the kind of jerk who doesn't care for other people's personal space.

Box Store Nazis: Does Spokane have an inordinate amount of rude people or does every city have an equal amount of rude proletariat? It continually amazes me that not only are the "customers" in stores rude, but that the "employees" of those same stores often are even more rude. Just the other day, I actually witnessed an employee chastising a customer because the aforementioned had the audacity to keep the cart on her own side of the register. I was appalled to watch the employee treat the customer disrespectfully because she didn't know the policy ("the cart always goes on the same side as the register" [dirty look/eyeroll]). Spokane certainly wouldn't win an award as the prettiest city, but it also isn't an ugly one. It's too bad so many of its inhabitants seem to be most ugly on the inside. In the meantime, I'll be avoiding the box stores and doing my best to support small businesses. If the "employees" aren't interested in being courteous to those who support their places of employment, I'd rather go elsewhere. Finally, if your response is "who cares?" I trust that your supervisor will say the same to you when you lose your job. Also, don't apply for a job with me. I only hire people of quality. Who dat! Who dat! Who dat!

Trump Derangement Syndrome: Believe it or not, recently I spoke with a man who was absolutely convinced that President Donald Trump was the cause of this MAN'S EXPENSIVE HUNTING DOG RUNNING AWAY and not returning... and the gentleman was in total possession of all of his faculties. A similar situation: a civil service pensioner, with a college degree = who is proof positive that President Trump has COMPLETELY RUINED THIS COUNTRY'S NATURAL RESOURCES BEYOND REPAIR. (Which would be QUITE THE FETE ALL BY HIMSELF, IN 2 1/2 YEARS; would you not think???) Some darling senior citizens at the Senior Center, even believe MR. TRUMP GUILTY OF SPIKING THEIR BLOOD PRESSURE, OR TRIGGERING THEIR COLITIS. So what ALL OF THESE GOOD FOLKS HAVE IN COMMON IS "TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME," i.e. SMEARING PRES. TRUMP'S NAME ALL OVER ANYTHING NEGATIVE, NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS OR OFF-THE-WALL. Sadly the final dynamic (WHY it's called a "Syndrome") is that, even in the face of cold hard reasoning, logic, or proof to the CONTRARY, PEOPLE BLIGHTED WITH THIS PARTICULARLY CLOYING MALADY ("Trump Derangement Syndrome") ARE LIKE ALCOHOLICS DRINKING A 5TH OF WHISKEY EACH DAY, YET INSISTING THEY DON'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM. The TDS individuals CLAIM they aren't out to "GET" MR. TRUMP, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME CONTINUALLY LOOKING FOR NEW OPPORTUNITIES TO KANGAROO-COURT HIM WITH SOMETHING HE COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR.

RE: Secure Your Dogs: The poster said that the dog jumped out of the truck, not out of the BED of the truck. I read it like the dog was in the cab, the door opened, and the dog excitedly got out. Let's assume the best of people <3 especially the type of person who is willing to take the time to post an apology when they felt like they could have handled a situation better. ♦

Mandelstam @ Stage Left Theater

Thursdays-Saturdays, 7:30-9:30 p.m. and Sundays, 2-4 p.m. Continues through Jan. 26
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