click to enlarge Six Craptacular Christmas Movies
We triple dog dare you to stream these movies this holiday season.

What's the worst Christmas movie that's ever made you ho-ho-hope for death? I'm not talking mildly grating holiday flicks like Fred Claus (Vince Vaughn ... buddy, buddy, buddy, why?), The Polar Express (creepy AF), or A Christmas Story (Ralphie probably grew up to be a Proud Boy), but gouge-your-eyes-out-with-a-candy-cane, garland-decked garbage. Here are six of the most hilarious holiday abominations ever committed to film — dare you to stream any of them to completion over your Christmas break.

SAVING CHRISTMAS
(2014; HULU TUBI)

At one point in Saving Christmas, star Kirk Cameron looks directly at the camera and tells the audience to picture a cross every time they see a Christmas tree (ick). Cameron is trying to convince his cynical brother-in-law (named Christian White — yes, really) that Christmas isn't commercialized enough and that it's time to take it back from the pagans (Cameron is all about hammering the Christ back into Christmas). Bonus offense: White people breakdancing.

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2
(1987; PLUTO TV, TUBI)

You've probably heard of the original 1984 Silent Night, Deadly Night, but Part 2 is an obscurity for a reason. For one, Part 2 recycles 30 minutes of footage from the first movie, leaving barely an hour of "new" material. At least that hour includes some creative kills via umbrella, jumper cables, and a classic "Garbage day!" meme, not to mention a decapitated nun. Thirty years later, star Eric Freeman appeared in the Ion holiday movie A Husband for Christmas(!).

JINGLE ALL THE WAY 2
(2014; DISNEY+)

Speaking of sequels you've never heard of, Jingle All the Way 2 replaces 1996 OGs Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad with Larry the Cable Guy and an extra from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody — blasphemy. Larry's daughter ... ugh ... Noel ... wants the Hot Toy Item of the season for Christmas, but he'll have to battle it out with her new (and rich) stepdad to get it. Not surprisingly, Jingle All the Way 2 is a WWE Studios production, a reliable crap cannon.

JACK FROST
(1997; PEACOCK, TUBI)

Not to be confused with the feel-good Michael Keaton Jack Frost that came out a year later, 1997's Jack Frost is a genetically mutated serial killer in the form of a snowman (so it makes as much sense as Keaton's movie). Future American Pie star Shannon Elizabeth makes her unfortunate screen debut here with the weirdest and most anatomically questionable attack scene of any Christmas slasher flick (an homage to Psycho? Hitchcock is rolling over in his XXL grave).

SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
(2004; PRIME)

If you barely tolerate Christmas (why else would you be reading this?), Surviving Christmas is the movie for you. Alone and adrift during the holidays, a wealthy advertising exec (Ben Affleck at his mid-2000s nadir) hires the family now living in his childhood home to pose as his own while he hangs out over Christmas. That family includes James Gandolfini, Catherine O'Hara and Christina Applegate, A-list actors who signed onto this miserable Z-grade affair for ... reasons?

A MERRY FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS
(2014; HULU, TUBI)

Kind of a spiritual sequel to Surviving Christmas in that it features a stacked cast with no material or an ounce of holiday spirit to work with, A Merry Friggin' Christmas is at least notable for being released after star Robin Williams died in 2014 so he didn't have to see it. Joel McHale, Lauren Graham, Candice Bergin, Tim Heidecker and Wendi McLendon-Covey weren't so lucky. This dollar-store Christmas Vacation is all you need to wreck the holidays — you're welcome! ♦

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About The Author

Bill Frost

Bill Frost has been a journalist and TV reviewer since the 4:3-aspect-ratio ’90s. His pulse-pounding prose has been featured in The Salt Lake Tribune, The Inlander, Las Vegas Weekly, SLUG Magazine, and many other dead-tree publications. He's currently a senior writer and streaming TV reviewer for CableTV.com,...