The Borowitz Report

Saddam Hussein Requests Jury from Michael Jackson Case


by Andy Borowitz


Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein startled the international legal community last week by requesting that the jury in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial be empanelled to sit in judgment of him when his trial gets underway in Baghdad.


The Iraqi dictator made the extraordinary request in a special hearing, telling the judge in his case, "There's no jury in the world better qualified to hear my case than those people who just let Michael Jackson walk."


In addition to requesting the Jackson jury, Saddam also requested that the mother of Mr. Jackson's accuser be called upon to testify against him in his trial.


The Iraqi madman, who had been gloomy and depressed in recent months, reportedly "perked up" when the Jackson verdict was announced earlier this week, sources inside his prison said.


"When the verdict was read and it was not guilty on all counts, Saddam practically jumped out of his chair," one source said. "He was like, 'I've got to get that jury -- they're awesome!'"


While international human rights groups scrambled to examine the legal and ethical issues involved in bringing the entire Jackson jury to Iraq, a spokesperson for the jury said that the 12 men and women might not be willing to make the journey from Santa Maria, Calif., to Baghdad.


"These are 12 very busy people," said the spokesperson, Stacy DeLone. "They all have book and movie deals -- plus, Milosevic asked first."


Elsewhere, a new poll shows that less than half of all Americans approve of the way Dick Cheney is handling President Bush's job.