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Youthful (Twitter) Indiscretions: Hot takes that don't look so hot in retrospect 

click to enlarge The expression you make when looking back at Dan Nailen's old tweets. - CANNONBALL RUN II/IMDB.COM
  • Cannonball Run II/IMDB.com
  • The expression you make when looking back at Dan Nailen's old tweets.

Judging by how some people react when old embarrassing tweets are dredged up, it seems casual racism or other offensive attitudes are out there lurking in all of our online pasts. "I'm shocked, shocked, I say! I'm a different person now! Of course I love everyone and would never denigrate someone based on their ethnicity/sexual orientation/political opinions!"

Recent weeks have seen a spate of professional baseball players — the Milwaukee Brewers' Josh Hader, Atlanta Braves' Sean Newcomb and Washington Nationals' Trea Turner among them — forced to publicly apologize for a variety of old racist and homophobic tweets. And James Gunn, director of the first two Guardians of the Galaxy movies, was fired from helming the third when alt-right provocateur Mike Cernovich exposed some old tweets joking about, among other things, pedophilia. (One example: "I like when little boys touch me in my silly place.") Gunn's (now former) Disney bosses were not amused.

All the noise around ancient tweets made me go back into my own timeline to see what potentially embarrassing things might lurk there. I knew there would be no "n-word" or homophobic slurs, but I've posted about 10,000 tweets since joining in April 2009. Limiting myself to my first two years on Twitter, here are my worst public posts:

July 15, 2009

Whitney Houston unveils her new album cover art. She looks remarkably ... life-like?

Considering she died in 2012, this tweet doesn't age... well.

March 20, 2011

Not many places where "Hey, I can buy beer" is a hot pickup line. #bowling

A bad joke about buying alcohol for underage bowlers. Approaching Gunn territory. Don't tell Disney.

Dec. 17, 2010

Found hell, in the form of a piano singalong bar. My magic Santa suit can only do SO much. Deflecting Jim Croce songs is asking a bit much!

Wow, not only do I admit to taking part in a Santa pub crawl, but I take a shot at a beloved, dead American singer/songwriter and piano bars.

March 26, 2011

Hmm, never realized Cannonball Run II was the one to see until tonight. Daisy Duke AND Susan Anton in one flick? Nice.

Objectifying women? Check. Embarrassed by it now? Check.

Oct. 4, 2010

Alice Cooper definitely surpassing my expectations. As is my genitals' ability to retract into my body to avoid the cold @usana.

I was clearly excited to see Alice Cooper in concert for the first time at a chilly outdoor amphitheater. But I'm thinking any public mention of one's genitals is probably one too many. ♦

The original print version of this article was headlined "Youthful (Twitter) Indiscretions"

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