Diva Scuffle - Carrie vs Gladys

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Though we've done a lot of good work in the past year comparing absurdly different acts using mostly made-up criteria, this might be our most important effort to date. After all, 2005 American Idol Champion Carrie Underwood and 1953-forever pop champion Gladys Knight are both going to be in Spokane this week. Everyone knows -- as per a) Time Cop and b) Highlander respectively -- that a) if two divas inhabit the same place at the same time, they implode and b) if one diva is able to lop off the head of another diva, the head-lopper gains the lopped one's powers. The conflict, now, since there can be only one:

Musical Variety

Gladys: Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame-type soul and R & B

Carrie: The kind of hybridized pop/country that Nashville loves complimenting itself for producing

ADVANTAGE: KNIGHT

Place Among Peers

Gladys: Holds her own against Patty LaBelle, Aretha Franklin et al.

Carrie: Generally considered the least talented Idol winner, though she destroys Taylor Hicks in star value

ADVANTAGE: KNIGHT

Personal Quirks

Gladys: Mormon, gambling addict

Carrie: PETA-voted sexiest vegetarian

ADVANTAGE: UNDERWOOD

Classier Sorority

Gladys: Alpha Kappa Alpha is America's first sorority established by black college women

Carrie: Sigma Sigma Sigma's other famous alumni are the creator of the Care Bears, the author of Where the Heart Is, and two popular porn stars

ADVANTAGE: KNIGHT

Winner: Gladys Knight

Gladys Knight at Northern Quest Casino on Saturday, Aug. 5, at 8:30 pm. Tickets: $50-$60. Visit Ticketswest.com or call 325-SEAT.

Carrie Underwood at the Spokane Arena's Star Theatre on Monday, Aug. 7, at 7:30 pm. Tickets: $30-$40. Visit Ticketswest.com or call 325-SEAT.

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Luke Baumgarten

Luke Baumgarten is commentary contributor and former culture editor of the Inlander. He is a creative strategist at Seven2 and co-founder of Terrain.

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