Protohuman

To the cognitively disabled protohuman who stole from a kindergarten
teacher and moreover, a whole class of kindergartners. It is bad enough you
got it in your neanderthal mind to break into any car, but after breaking
that window, the bags you made off with, in your prehensile hands, were
full of two months' papers and projects from 30 hardworking 5-year-olds.
Nothing you got off with is of any real value, so your actions amount to a
worthless show of evolution's inability to weed you from the gene pool. So,
in the event your undeveloped, pre-frontal cortex has any concept of belief
in it, and you believe in heaven, may you go to hell; if polytheism is in
that hollow cranium, may the gods plague the rock you live under; if
Buddhism has any stake in your life, may Karma balance the universe; and if
you are an atheist, may the mathematical probability of a bus hitting you
at random, come to fruition.