Lawn Ornament Thief
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How dare you steal my giant ceramic lawn tortoise from my front yard. Why would you do such a thing? Nevermind the mischiviousness of thievery. I want to know what in the world you plan on doing with such an ass-ugly, giant ceramic lawn tortoise! You can't display it in your own yard - I'll see it; it's ugly as hell & nobody is going to buy it from you; and it's going to make a hell of a mess if you try to destroy it. So I hope it's now a burden to you - whatever you decide to do with it. But what's worse is that you left the the 2 ceramic baby tortoises without their mother! If you're going to steal you should have at least taken the complete set. You know what? I don't even want it back - keep it. Just please, for the sake of my curiosity, tell me what you decided to do with it. I'm desperate to know how much of a pain in the ass it's been for you.
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