Baddest of the Bad: Five flicks of exceedingly poor quality available on Amazon Prime

click to enlarge Manos: The Rise of Torgo
Manos: The Rise of Torgo

Everyone loves a good bad movie.

Overacting. Clumsy dialogue. Bad special effects. Unresolved subplots. These are all trademarks of poor movie making that aren't worth our time. But when they all come together, they create the cherished cinematic disasters we know and love.

It's important to remember that people put their heart and soul into making these films that we like to laugh at. So think of it like folk art. Maybe it's not the "Mona Lisa," but you're still enjoying it.

For fans of bad movies, Amazon Prime offers a veritable treasure trove of movies of exceedingly poor quality. Here are some of my faves.

SUBURBAN SASQUATCH, 2004
Starring:
Excessive gore!
Why we love it: The story revolves around a journalist investigating a rash of gruesome deaths at the hands of an angry dimension-hopping sasquatch with hilariously large areolas. Luckily, a Native warrior woman saves the day.
Budget: $3 for red food dye. $2 for cornstarch.

THE BIGFOOT ALIEN CONNECTION REVEALED, 2020
Starring:
Logical fallacies!
Why we love it: I'll just say it: Bigfoot is an alien. The "connection" is "revealed" in the first 10 minutes of this "documentary." The remaining 80 minutes is like a History Channel fever dream after midnight.
Budget: One subscription to a stock footage gallery.

PHOBE, 1995
Starring:
Space mullets!
Why we love it: This quaint and, honestly, charming sci-fi-action flick filmed in Canada is about a former space cop who's been called up for one last mission to destroy a genetic superweapon hiding on Earth.
Budget: $250. No, really.

MANOS: THE RISE OF TORGO, 2018
Starring: Torgo!
Why we love it: Fans of Manos: The Hands of Fate will enjoy this fan-made prequel detailing the backstory of the beloved groundskeeper. It's a little too self-aware for me, but it pays homage to some of the weirdest scenes in the original Manos.
Budget: One sacrificial victim.

NOXIOUS, 2018
Starring: Florida!
Why we love it: Add environmental disaster, corporate corruption and murder together and you're gonna get toxic zombies. Simple math. The plot to Noxious might be complicated, but at least it meanders aimlessly between cheerful shots of summertime fun and zombies tearing the faces off their victims.
Budget: 132 minutes of your life. ♦

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About The Author

Quinn Welsch

Quinn Welsch is the copy editor of the Inlander.