Sunday, May 31, 2015

How to love and date like the Bachelorette

Posted By on Sun, May 31, 2015 at 9:03 AM

click to enlarge JJ tries to impress Kaitlyn with his sense of humor on a stand up comedy date - PEOPLE.COM
  • JJ tries to impress Kaitlyn with his sense of humor on a stand up comedy date
Kaitlyn Bristowe commenced with the dating on ABC's the Bachelorette Monday night. Didn't have time to watch? Here's a few lessons about love and dating inspired by the episode:

Have a simple back story. Something that can be boiled down into a single word, say “dad” or “orphan” or “widower”. Don’t have one? Use a gimmick, like arriving in a cupcake with wheels, instead. Then, you can be “cupcake”.

Share the long version of the back story, in its entirety, as soon as possible. Have you had something totally awful or tragic happen? Just put it all out there on the table. First date, first conversation, whenever. Divorce? Death? Multiple broken legs? Yep, these are all hurdles surmounted and character builders and — most importantly in the Bachelorette context — sympathy-getters. Worst case scenario, your date won’t be able to deal with your past. Then you can be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “guess she/he just couldn’t accept me for me” and move on.

Kisses are better on rooftops. Kaitlyn says kissing on the rooftop is “next level”. Who is even going to argue with that? One might even say top level. Above top level. Oh, the possibilities.

Act REALLY EXCITED about everything! No one wants to think the date they planned is lame. If someone is taking you on a date, be excited. Done it before? Don’t even go there. It leads to all kinds of messy conversations no sane person wants to have on a first date. Or ever. Kaitlyn takes the excitement thing up a notch: Every date she goes on is the BEST DATE SHE’S EVER BEEN ON, in her entire life. Boxing? YES! Underwater photo shoot? YESSSS!!! Stand up comedy with comedian Amy Schumer? YES, YES, YES!

Wait at least a month to start an argument about… anything! If, during the second conversation you’ve ever had, you get into a bonafide argument about nothing…. ABORT. Things will probably not work out under any circumstances.

Dating is better with alcohol. Getting to know people is infinitely more entertaining with alcohol. Say no to coffee, yes to drinks.

Want to date like Kaitlyn? You can do pretty similar stuff right here in Spokane.

Boxing: The first date involved eight guys, Kaitlyn and a rendezvous at an abandoned-looking warehouse that turned out to be a boxing gym.

“Boxing is a lot like relationships: it takes focus, discipline, commitment,” says coach Laila Ali. Also, sometimes you get knocked out. Get back up. Recover. Or need emergency services.

Kaitlyn’s boxing date was pretty unfair because one of the men, Ben Z, was about 40 pounds heavier than the other guys. Ben Z also looked like he had been working out, primarily, for the last few years. The last guy to fight him had to go to the hospital. Kaitlyn felt terrible; she didn’t want anyone to get hurt. She was just hoping for gentle punches to the head.

Check out Boxfit (3117 N. Division) for a similar experience. They have an amateur program that allows you to form a team of up to 10 and, assuming you practice adequately, you can show up Thursdays and box people, presumably people of similar size. FUN! This is a weird date activity, but boxing is a fun way to meet cute guys who can jump rope. Of course, they’re probably at the boxing gym to box, not to meet girls.

Underwater photo shoot: Kaitlyn picked Clint, who brought her a portrait of show host Chris Harrison riding a triceratops the first night, for her first one-on-one date. The date involved an underwater photo shoot. The couple donned special pool outfits and pool makeup and kissed underwater. It looked like a lot of work. Want to do something similar? All you need are GoPro cameras and a swimming pool.

Stand up comedy: Kaitlyn took a second group of guys out to a comedy club and made them get up on stage and try their best to say amusing stuff (most weren't too great at that). A similar opportunity can be had the first Friday of every month at The Blue Door Theatre (815 W. Garland Ave.) Improv Lab is only only $7 and starts at 10pm. Because why wait to find out that the person you’re dating takes themselves way too seriously and has no sense of humor?

Want to follow Kaitlyn on her incredible journey to find love? The Bachelorette airs on KXLY Channel 4 Monday nights from 8-10 pm. 
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