So you got into Whitworth. Congrats! You’re about to embark on a journey into a private Presbyterian liberal arts education. That seems confusing, given that “liberal” doesn’t initially seem to align with “Presbyterian.” Clearly, you’ve got some things to figure out, and, let’s face it, while school orientations can tell you where to find buildings and what warrants disciplinary action, if you’re really going to make it here, you need some insider information.

Work It, Sweet Stuff

Hopefully this isn’t news to you, but your school has a reputation. You know how everyone thinks WSU students are all partying frat kids? You’re the opposite. Don’t think about whether or not it’s true or try to explain it away to new people you meet — just learn to work it. Own it. Looking for an apartment or respectable job? Drop the Whitworth thing with a golden smile — people think you’re saintly. Nobody suspects the Whitworth kid.

One-Way Ticket to Hip, Found in the Library

Those crazy hipsters. Always making themselves look all super-cool in Photoshop and crafting stupid posters in Illustrator. Psh. But if that’s what you’re into, check out the computers in the library. Whitworth has them stacked. You can access the entire Adobe Creative Suite for free, meaning you can make yourself just as hot as possible in Photoshop without dropping hundreds of dollars on programs that will just crash your crappy laptop anyway. A bonus — in Adobe InDesign, you can do this thing called kerning, which basically refers to the spacing between letters in a document. Need a longer-looking paper? Upload your paper into InDesign and kern the hell out of it.

Big Brother is Watching

Whitworth’s president lives across the street from the school. Think long and hard about that.

Lock It or Lose It

Stuff gets stolen. Stuff, as in bikes. From now on, if you are a bike owner, approach the Whitworth campus like it’s Compton or something: Lock. It. Up. Druffel says that thieves have even started carrying around those giant wire-cutters (which is totally not conspicuous at all) to cut right through bike chains. So hook yourself up with a solid bike lock. It’s the only way.

Don’t Drive, Man

There are a lot of people on college campuses, and when those people bring their cars, stuff can get ugly real quick. Most people find that biking and public transit are the way to go. There are just too many cars for it to be practical to drive to class every day. Don’t be part of the nightmare.

Word of Warning

Do not test that alcohol policy. If you must imbibe, at least be clever about it. We won’t contribute too much to your debauchery, but just note that beverage containers can be refilled with fluids that are of similar color and consistency to the original contents. It’s not rocket surgery.

Escape Route

Go to a show. Serious. Music brings together the masses and as a lonely freshman, a crammed hot show can be awesome. If you want to keep with the Christian-operated vein, check out the Porch, near downtown. Otherwise, the city is your oyster.

First Date

Even if you’re not an outdoorsy person, you can’t deny that going on a trip through the woods can be romantic. What with all the scenery and secluded places to, uh, picnic, it’s a nice change from the typical date. Try hiking the Little Spokane River by Indian Painted Rocks. It’s located just six miles northwest of downtown, off Highway 291.