Bloglander

Wow, if the following indies and late arrivals are indicative of the summer film season we're about to have, then maybe it won't suck quite as bad as we predicted. 

BRIDESMAIDS
Director Paul Feig (Freaks & Geeks, The Office) and producer Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, 40-Year-Old Virgin) team up to bring Kristen Wiig's script to the big screen. For those who saw The Hangover, get ready for the female counterpart, but with more of the dry, did-she-really-just-say-that kind of humor. We’re guessing Bridesmaids will follow the mishap-after-mishap formula until a heartfelt moment at the end when Wiig's protagonist finds her true self. Thoughts? (JH) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS
Werner Herzog brings us to the Chauvet caves in southern France, where the oldest known human drawings have been hidden from the world — until now. If that doesn’t sound amazing enough, Herzog presents it all in eye-popping 3D. (JH) Rated G | SHOWTIMES

EVERYTHING MUST GO
Will Ferrell is known as the loud, eccentric freak show who went streaking in Old School, who kept screaming “More cowbell!” and who took advantage of women at funerals. He's proven his comedic chops with SNL, but it is only when he takes a step back and quiets down that he is able to show how much he is worth to dramatic movies. We’re hoping Everything Must Go, a Raymond Carver adaptation, is Ferrell’s equal to Adam Sandler’s Punch-Drunk Love — with Ferrell acting instead of joking. (JH) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

 HESHER
The promotion for this movie would have you believe that it’s about a burnout van-dwelling headbanger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and while that’s a teensy part of the plot, Hesher is about a lot more. The loner rocker helps pull a young boy and his grieving family out of the dumps and into reality. And that’s something no one would ever really expect from a hesher in real life … right? (LS) Magic Lantern only. Rated R. | SHOWTIMES

PRIEST
Anyone who saw Legion knows Paul Bettany is good at killing the supernatural. He was an angel in that one, and he’s a priest here, killing vampires for this 3D extravaganza. (Note: He was a priest in The Da Vinci Code, too! This guy!) Those blood-sucking beasts don't know what they're in for. (JH) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

VANISHING OF BEES
Bees are vital for producing our food, so what would happen if the world’s honeybees started to die? This documentary takes a closer look at disappearing hive populations. We'll see the good that they do and then see what would happen to the sustainability of our food if they became extinct. We’re betting that this is the next An Inconvenient Truth, showing us what needs to be done to protect the survival of human beings. (JH) Magic Lantern only. Not rated | SHOWTIMES

WINTER IN WARTIME
A character-driven film from the Netherlands. During World War II, a British soldier crash-lands behind enemy lines and a 14-year-old named Michael helps him hide from the Nazis. Michael struggles with his relationship with his father, and now he has a new weight on his shoulders. The cinematography makes this period piece look haunting. It deserves a look from any fan of the human story. (JH) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

JUMPING THE BROOM
Sabrina Watson’s family is oh so rich, and Sabrina herself (Paula Patton) is oh so hot. But she has a tendency to bed men who are jerks, so she says to God, “I promise, God, that if you get me out of this situation, I’ll only share my cookies with the man I marry.” Here, “cookies” refers to sex. Anyway, she runs into this guy (Laz Alonso) with her Audi, then they fall in love and get engaged. But oh no! He’s poor! So when their families meet for the wedding in Martha’s Vineyard, class-war hilarity ensues. But also love. Or something. (TH) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

POTICHE
Welcome to France in the 1970s. Disco was alive and well there, too, and so was that whole “women belong in the home, not at work” sentiment. So when Suzanne’s (Catherine Deneuve) dislikable husband (Fabrice Luchini) is taken hostage by his striking employees, she stands up to take over the family business. Basically, she does an awesome job. Everyone is pleasantly surprised. But trouble arises in the form of an old flame (Gérard Depardieu) and her unwillingness to reduce herself back to being nothing more than a trophy wife. Vive la résistance! (TH) Magic Lantern only. Rated R | SHOWTIMES

SOMETHING BORROWED
A romantic comedy with a little more depth than usual. Ginnifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson star as friends who are involved, to very different degrees, with the same guy (Colin Egglesfield). Another pal (John Krasinski) is around to be the voice of reason when things start to go crazy. Based on the novel by Emily Giffin, with a few too many side stories that don’t go anywhere. (ES) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

Robert Pattinson's new movie, Water For Elephants, is getting reviews laced with adjectives so negative that they're usually held in reserve for Tyler Perry films. With Perry also releasing a film this week, those stores of negative descriptors are going to run very, very low. (I'm not saying there's going to be a deathmatch, by the way, I'm saying there should be one.)

AFRICAN CATS
The folks at Disneynature have come up with their first solid offering that tells the stories of two cat families in Kenya: an aging mother lion and her daughter, and a lone cheetah trying to teach the ways of life to her five cubs. Cameras catch the action from every conceivable angle, and the film is wonderfully edited to keep the separate stories equally compelling. There’s humor and sadness and great danger. But the filmmakers keep the violence of nature completely bloodless, so the film works fine for all ages. (ES) Rated G | SHOWTIMES

BACK TO THE GARDEN
The hippies were right about some stuff. Not all things, but some things. Filmmaker Kevin Tomlinson stumbled on a group of hippies in the backcountry of Eastern Washington in 1988 and decided to film them, asking about their eco-friendly, flower child lifestyles (which was totally not cool to do back in 1988). Twenty years later, he found his subjects again and asked how their lives had changed. Combining the footage from 1988 and present day, Tomlinson has created a documentary that is impressively real and gives an honest glimpse into the struggles and merits of a sustainable lifestyle and hippie culture. (TH) Magic Lantern only. Not rated  | SHOWTIMES

BLANK CITY
A documentary about the underground film scene that sprouted on New York City’s Lower East Side in the late ’70s and early ’80s, featuring film and archival footage from the era and talking-head interviews with the likes of Steve Buscemi, John Waters, Jim Jarmusch and Debby Harry. (LB) Magic Lantern only. Not Rated  | SHOWTIMES

JANE EYRE
Did you know that this movie has been made no less than 15 times, not counting this newest version? And that the original novel has also given rise to nine musicals, 10 television adaptations and one graphic novel? The story of Jane Eyre — the lowly governess who falls in love with her employer and subsequently faces mysterious happenings while working at his mansion — clearly is begging to be told again, and apparently the newest movie is the most fantastic rendition yet. Lucky number 16! (TH) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

MADEA’S BIG HAPPY FAMILY
There have been, like, six of these movies where Tyler Perry dresses up as a sassy black woman named Madea and deals with comedic family drama. SIX. OF. THEM. If he didn’t run out of ideas before, he certainly has now, evidenced by a Maury Povich cameo and a scene where Madea runs her car into a fast food joint. And that was just in the trailer. This is basically the Ernest series with more sass and fat costumes. (TH) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

MIRAL
Frieda Pinto stars in this Julian Schnabel drama about a young girl who is raised within the sheltering walls of a school for Palestinian orphans in Jerusalem. When she turns 17, though, around the time of the first intifada, she is exposed to the horrific conditions Palestinians are living in and the violence that surrounds them, which makes her question the tenets of the school, which teach that peace and equality is achievable through education and tolerance. (LB) Magic Lantern only. Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

THE UPSETTER: THE LIFE AND MUSIC OF LEE SCRATCH PERRY
It has been 42 years since Lee “Scratch” Perry released his first album, The Upsetter. Since then, he has released 65 more. Filmmakers Adam Bhala Lough and Ethan Higbee got unfettered access to the reggae icon, who speaks in ramblingly mystical puzzle sentences. Benicio Del Toro narrates this chronicle on the life of a prolific dub pioneer, Rastaman and frequent asshole. (LB) Magic Lantern only. Not Rated | SHOWTIMES

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS
Robert Pattinson is in this movie. He is sad. He drops out of vet school after his parents die and joins the circus as a vet. He is still kinda sad. Then he sees Reese Witherspoon. He is still sad, but also maybe now a little turned on. They have some sexual tension, but she’s married. This makes him … sad. Will Robert Pattinson ever be happy? Like, in a movie? See it to find out. As an aside, Pattinson said he cried while filming the love scenes with Reese because he was so moved by how “sexy” she was. (TH) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

ATLAS SHRUGGED: PART I
A low-budget, no-stars project spurred by proponents of Ayn Rand’s beliefs favoring unfettered capitalism and individual rights and excoriating big government. (And please, no communists.) A railroad executive quests to find out just who this John Galt fellow is, and why he’s organizing the world’s most creative minds. (MB) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

THE CONSPIRATOR
With a stunning cast (Robin Wright, James McAvoy, Tom Wilkinson, Kevin Kline, Evan Rachel Wood) and a director of no less fame than Robert gat-damned Redford himself, you’d expect this story of the trial of the only female conspirator in the plot to kill Lincoln to be rousing cinema. Critics are weighing in, though. Early reports? Limp. Moist. Bore. (LB) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

THE GRATEFUL DEAD MOVIE EVENT
Dancing bears and jester skeletons: Are you having a flashback? (No, the good kind.) It's a smoke-enshrouded rockumentary, and Jerry Garcia talks on camera. (Bootleg tapes may have played a part.) This footage hasn't been seen since '77, man. (MB) Wed 4/20 7:30 pm, NorthTown and Riverstone | SHOWTIMES

[turkey] RIO
Another soulless piece of animation from the folks who gave us the Ice Age series. This one involves exotic birds (voices of Jesse Eisenberg and Anne Hathaway) who end up getting together for some adventure and romance during Carnival in Brazil. Poachers and monkeys are the bad guys, while (most) birds are the good guys. But the story is by-the-numbers, and the performances range from flat to over-the-top. Very young viewers will enjoy the action and all the bright colors. Everyone else will be annoyed by the songs and bored by the movie. (ES) Rated PG | SHOWTIMES

SCREAM 4
Neve Campbell has experience dealing with knife-wielding, masked bad guys. In the original Scream, her boyfriend killed her mom. Then all her college friends got hacked and slashed. It's been a decade now since the third installment, but boy, does she remember her evil half brother! Now she's returning to Westboro to hang with David Arquette and Courtney Cox, just so everybody can get splattered with the crimson corn syrup again. (MB) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

WIN WIN
Paul Giamatti playing yet another schmuck of a loser? Ah, but it gets complicated: Into his life walks a teenage boy with exceptional athletic talent and a nightmarish family life. Soon Giamatti starts playing the inspiring life coach. With Amy Ryan, Bobby Cannavale and Jeffrey Tambor. (MB) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

ARTHUR
Thirty years ago, Dudley Moore’s Arthur was a genial drunk. (Is alcoholism even funny anymore?) And as his valet, John Gielgud nudged filthy-rich Arthur toward the good. (In this remake, Helen Mirren plays a more censorious nanny to the 35-year-old Russell Brand.) Moore charmed people; he was, at heart, a lonely soul. Brand, always creating a spectacle of himself, asks for your ridicule instead of your sympathy. Will we really care whether this new Arthur marries Jennifer Garner out of duty or Greta Gerwig out of love? (MB) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

[thumb up] HANNA
A teenage girl lives in remotest Finland with her dad, who taught her how to fight with fists and arrows and guns. But now the CIA, led by Cate Blanchett, is pursuing both Hanna and her dad, kick-starting this action-packed, tightly written, magnificently directed tale of family, spies, friendship, survival, and people constantly on the run. Director Joe Wright (Atonement, The Soloist) gives us an out-and-out thriller, filled with blazing guns, flinch-inducing stunts, crazy camera work, and a pounding, percussive soundtrack. (ES) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

SOUL SURFER
Imagine doing the thing you love. Say it involves balance, agility, athletic skill. Now imagine doing it without your left arm. Bethany Hamilton did all that — she’d been a real-life champion surfer until a tiger shark chewed off her arm. In a watery, ultimate version of back-in-the-saddle determination, Hamilton started training to ride the waves again. With AnnaSophia Robb (Because of Winn-Dixie, Bridge to Terabithia) and Helen Hunt and Dennis Quaid as the supportive parents. (MB) Rated PG | SHOWTIMES

[turkey] YOUR HIGHNESS
If you think dwarves are by nature hilarious, “The Gay” is something to fear, “slut” is a fantastic compliment for a woman one finds attractive, kicks to the crotch are awesome and bodacious boobs are even more awesome, then Your Highness is the flick for you. There is no point to this unforgivable excuse for a comedy, except for Danny McBride to make his buddies, including co-star James Franco, chortle over pot jokes. Your Highness indulges the fantasy that beautiful, self-assertive women like Natalie Portman will fall in love with schlubs like McBride. (MJ) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

HOP
Seeking a big honking Easter basket full of WTF for this glorious spring holiday season? Here’s Hop, a bizarre mishmash of animation and live action covered in a hard candy shell of incoherence and crassness. It’s not exactly Willy Wonka-esque, but it’s trying to be. Fred, ahem, O’Hare (James Marsden) would like to be the Easter Bunny. And the new Easter Bunny (the voice of Russell Brand) would prefer not to be. Cue mayhem and the shitting of jelly beans. Seriously. (MJ) Rated PG | SHOWTIMES

INSIDIOUS
The house is haunted. No, the kid is haunted. But the kid is comatose. Maybe he’s both comatose and haunted. I’ll tell ya who’s going to be haunted for the rest of their lives because they starred in this ParaPolterNormalGeist knockoff: Patrick Wilson (Watchmen, Angels in America) and Rose Byrne (Damages, 28 Weeks Later). Meanwhile, the official website of Insidious is offering, as “documentation,” doctored photos and fake audiotapes. Not scary. (MB) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

SOURCE CODE
On a fast-moving train, Captain Colter Stevens jolts awake. There’s this woman who seems to know him, but she keeps calling him Sean. Then the train explodes. Then he’s in some weird science lab, and they’re telling him that he has to go back, stop the bomber and save the train — over and over and over again. Jake Gyllenhaal has the frantic-hero thing goin’ on, and director Duncan Jones once again brings us sci-fi spookery (just as he did with the lonely guy on a lunar base in Moon). (ES) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: RODRICK RULES
Poop joke, belch joke, nerd joke, guy-can't-dance joke, mean-bully-girl joke. Bratty little brother, sadistic older brother, running around in tighty-whities, caught in the girls' bathroom. That pretty much covers it for Rodrick Rules, which is, of course, a sequel. Because when it comes to whoopee-cushion movies, 11-year-old boys can never get enough. (MB) Rated PG | SHOWTIMES

[image-1] SUCKER PUNCH
After writer-director Zack Snyder wowed fanboys with Watchmen, he decided to go for the girl-power crowd with this outrageously imaginative, action-packed tale of a young woman (Emily Browning) who’s sent to a mental institution, then plans an elaborate escape, using loud music, sharp swords, blazing guns, and her new friends: a quartet of scantily clad and quite vicious female warriors. It’s like a live-action video game run amok, accompanied by rock-fueled dance routines. (ES) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

We are now less than a week away from the 50 Hour Slam, an open film fest where competitors have two days and two hours to write, film, edit and score a short film that adheres to certain rules.

Check it out here

Register with this

A major difference between this event and the 48-Hour Film Fests of yore — besides the extra two hours of work-time — is that the 50 Hour Slam team has assembled a lot of nice resources — including a talent pool from local agencies — if you want to go the trained-actor route. Check out the resource page.

The Inlander did one of these once, under the auspices of NxNW. The film sucked (I blame Michael Bowen), but it was a lot of fun. You guys should totally try it.

Ummmmm. Nope. I can't think of a single thing that would be more insulting to this week's movies than their mere existence, so ... enjoy?

LIMITLESS
Bradley Cooper writes his genius novel in four days. He’s driven to do sit-ups. Hell, his eyes even get bluer. And thanks to one small pill. Cool! Not so much, it turns out. Limitless is passably entertaining, but it takes no risks. There’s some original style here, some startling visuals that replicate our hero’s amplified perception of the world. And Cooper is very appealing. But something essential is missing, something that would make it truly sing as science fiction, as action, as drama. (MJ) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

THE LINCOLN LAWYER
In an attempt to break free from shallow rom coms, Texan super-stud Matthew McConaughey has decided to wade ankle-deep into the mass-market end of the courtroom drama pool. Good for him: showing range. He plays a down-and-out lawyer, with legal offices in the backseat of his Continental (Lincoln Continental, get it?), who gets saddled with two clients — one a spoiled rich kid and one an unspoiled poor kid. Gradually it becomes clear the two cases are linked. Guess who’s getting screwed: rich kid or poor kid? (LB) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

[thumb up] PAUL
It’s the old science-fiction-nerds-meet-an-alien plot. It’s also a road movie and a darn funny comedy. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) are the RV-driving Brits looking for American UFO hot spots, and Seth Rogen (just a tad more laid-back than usual, but still hilariously raucous) voices the little alien named Paul. The film offers and makes fun of many sci-fi clichés, keeps up a sense of wonder, and will make a great number of audience members snort with laughter. (ES) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

It always feels kinda nice, being in a third-tier movie market, to get a trickle of really excellent films in the run-up to and just after the Oscars, as the filmic powers-that-be assume the rubes in our little neck of the bible belt must have finally heard — via Access Hollywood and whatnot — about those quasi-arthouse flicks that win awards.

As of this week, consider that trickle shut off at the faucet.

OPENING FILMS

BATTLE: LOS ANGELES
After bombarding us, the aliens plan to scoop up all our natural resources — sorry, Mr. E.T., about those depleted oil reserves — and Aaron Eckhart (in combat gear) is all that stands between us and, gulp, complete extermination. (MB) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES

CEDAR RAPIDS 
Naïve Ed Helms (The Office, The Hangover) goes off to the Sin City of the Prairie for an insurance convention, where drunken hot-tubbing with John C. O’Reilly (stripped to his boxer shorts and chugging whiskey) lies in wait to imperil his immortal, insurance-loving soul. Ed will soon be losing his cummerbund money-belt. (MB) Rated R | SHOWTIMES

MARS NEEDS MOMS
In this one, the aliens are stealing all the mommies, so all the cute little CGI kids start screaming, “We want our mommies back! You evil aliens go back to that Los Angeles movie and exterminate somebody else!” In a related development, somebody broke into the Disney studios and stole all their blueprints for combining Humorous with Heartwarming. (The hip-hop tunes and weak jokes? Not helping.) (MB) Rated PG | SHOWTIMES

RED RIDING HOOD
Using the Grimm Brothers story Little Red Riding Hood as its springboard, writer David Leslie Johnson and director Catherine Hardwicke proceed to take one absurd turn after another in making it a combo fairy tale, horror story and whodunit. Hardwicke also makes sure to emphasize the romance triangle aspect of it a la her hit film Twilight. Even the great Gary Oldman, as a werewolf hunter, and the always terrific Julie Christie as – gulp! – Grandma, can’t help this thing. Oh, and the wolf, a poorly rendered CGI creation, can talk. You want some realism in your fairy tale-horror-whodunit-love triangle films? Better look elsewhere. (ES) Rated PG-13 | SHOWTIMES