As Inlander staffers navigate the community, we inevitably hear from people that the "I Saw You" page is their "favorite thing in the paper." After we get done crying, we staffers (usually) accept that people like what they like, and (hopefully) move on from the "I Saw You" page to other parts of the paper full of hard-hitting news, cultural criticism and entertainment tips.
I did a deep dive into 2019's "I Saw You" offerings in an effort to better understand the appeal, and these are my 10 favorite entries, capturing all the romance, petty complaints and surreal tangents you can find weekly:
GOTTA BE MORE TO THIS STORY
Baseball Game Super Glue Accident: I'm sure you saw me. I was the young, blue-haired teenager covered in instant nail glue. You were the woman in a tank top trying to enjoy a baseball game. I should have stopped to apologize to you and see if you were okay. I did not do that. I'm so sorry. We were headed to the hospital immediately. I got it in my mouth and throat. You, unfortunately, got a splatter of super glue over your back. I still feel bad. I was trying to assist a friend with fixing her broken fingernail. The tube of glue was jammed, and my brilliant idea to bite the tube and "fix" it bit us both back. I completely understand if you're angry. I would have been too. Just know that kid at that baseball game didn't do it on purpose, and got to explain what happened to several doctors at the ER, who probably agreed I was an idiot. Again, I'm sorry.
NEAR NATURE, NEAR PERFECT
Manito fly fishing instructress: I was with a friend and saw you teaching fly casting from afar. I spoke to you about fly fishing for bonefish and cutthroats. You're lovely and an artist of the fly cast. Should we talk? Or just share a half lit canyon with river and trout? Somewhere that nobody goes, except the deer? You are the keeper in these waters. Hope to see you again.
NO WAY THIS IS REAL
What the heck! Pardon me for selling my SoCal mini mansion and moving to Spokane and finding this. Everyday is flannel day apparently. I was in the drive thru of Starbucks yesterday and couldn't believe the tread of the tires in front of me. I took my daughter to take photographs of the city, do you know how many trees and birds got in the way of her perfect pictures? Also, the apples at the organic grocer are great with your added beard hair. Does no one shave?
WHEN BONNIE MET CLYDE
Cute biker boy: Handsome, tall, blonde/brown haired dude with old man/hipster glasses. You ride a red fixed-gear bike with black rims and your frame is covered with stickers. I'm in love. Let's rob a bank, get away on our bikes, and start a new life together in South America. You are HOT!
PROGRESS AT THE AIRPORT
Free bleeding: As a member of the human race whose uterine lining sometimes leaks out of her, I want to shout out Spokane International Airport for making the period products in their bathroom complimentary. Thanks for doing your part to make travel less stressful and more equitable!
Teenage love and rockets: JB I saw you, in the hallways, in the high school. We embarked on a friendship, a romance, a teenage love and rockets. And when the teardrop exploded it was louder than bombs. Now, drifting, falling, 30 years on, it's a question of time. With bells and horns in the back of beyond. If I could say anything, it would be I'm sorry, I tried to go beyond love and in the same deep water as you. Tonight, under the Milky Way, staring at the sea, I think about you with tenderness.
MAYBE LET IT GO
I didn't see you: Hey you three missing tortillas. It was 11:29 pm and my growling stomach led me to the Safeway on Northwest Boulevard for the ingredients to make my favorite meal. I had been dreaming about stuffing a melty cheesy quesadilla into my mouth and sped home to my apartment to create the culinary masterpiece. When my excited hands went to open the tortilla package, I discovered it was already open and I quickly took inventory of my new tortillas. There were only 7 remaining of the original 10 that were advertised on the package. This happened in 2001 and I am still forlorn and have dreams about you. I hope wherever you ended up you were happy.
WAIT FOR THE TWIST
Back in town: Hi Tom & Kathy, we see you have moved back to Spokane. We do not have your phone # so we are trying to reach you this way. Since we do have your address, several of us are planning to visit you. We will make it a surprise. We guess you heard about the office. It is sad to think that one person could destroy a business and ruin so many lives. Well, we will see you soon.
TEXTING IS EASIER
Thanks for the consideration! Looking for a friend just like me: Physically in their 20s, emotionally about 8 years old, humor of a 5 year old, laughs like a 2 year old, relates to the nonphysical world, inspired by every color, shape, sound, strong will and desire to be alive and play all day, must enjoy other cultures of humanity, long conversations about how to empower others, and is a fan of drinking tea on floor cushions in my garden porch in the trees near the river. Contact me by astral travel.
13 year flipper: Cheers to the off-duty firefighter who flipped me off after I flipped him off: I just wanted to say I didn't know you were a firefighter and I'm sorry for doing that and thanks for your service.
(March 28) ♦